if you pronounce that really quickly, that's how people here say "michael jordan." he came to taiwan the day after i arrived and spent 90 seconds on stage addressing the 700 fans who spent hundreds to buy a ticket to his nike-taiwan event. and now, the taiwanese are pissed. really pissed. that was saturday night, and although it's already thursday here, the news is *still* talking about it. more and more youngsters and their parents are going on tv to complain about his indifference to his fans, and now nike-taiwan is getting flamed.
alright, folks, let's get over it. it's only michael jordan. he's boring, annoying, and way past his prime. it's already been 5 days. it can stop being being headline news.
i guess that's what happens when you have a mass of asian people -- who individually are kind of anal-retentive to begin with -- get together and share their feelings of being slighted. they feel the need to complain and complain and complain. doesn't anyone have better things to do?
the news here is interesting. this morning, they showed a 7 minute clip of high school girls pelting each other with water balloons at a graduation ceremony. i'm not kidding. 7 minutes. it was funny for the first 20 seconds and then we got really bored. what's even weirder is the fact that we watched it for the FULL 7 minutes. after that, they did a special on the "steamed bun" man, who makes paintings of chinese waterfalls and moons from molded steamed buns. it's odd news, i tell you. maybe there's not enough going on in taiwan with all those *damn* rioters swarming around the presidential palace, and all the political parties merging to overthrow the dpp. that's right, the kmt and the qing ming dang have merged in hopes of gaining enough popularity to overthrow the dpp. still, people manage to ignore just how corrupt both james soong and lien chan are. ugh. i don't even want to get started.
the traditions here are also interesting. most of the people i encounter, even in taipei, are still speaking taiwanese and refer to themselves as "gwan dai wan lang" (or, us taiwanese people). the percentage of taiwanese speakers actually increases are you move outwards from taipei (namely, south) and a lot of the media is broadcasted in taiwanese. it seems like people are trying to retain a bit of their heritage, regardless of what the political system is.
in any case, we just got back from a trip to the east coast of taiwan to check out some of the mountains. they definitely were beautiful, almost as beautiful as the ones i saw in costa rica. when you live in the city, you forget that taiwan is and was a tropical island that hosts a plethora of foliage and wildlife. in any case, we checked out some river passes, learned a bit about the native aboriginees, and ate the freshest sea food i've ever had.
i expected to return to taiwan and expand in girth greatly, but we've managed to pursue a very healthy diet of mostly vegetables and protein, eschewing the carbohydrates and sweets that are characteristic of the us. today, i'm going to get some intense shiatsu massage done, and then my cousin and i are going out to si men ding to do some intense girlie shopping. poor guy, he'll have to carry my bags for me. tomorrow, a cousin from la comes in and we might go get the taiwanese version of glamour shots done. they're ridiculous. they can make even me look beautiful. sunday is the big 40 person family dinner and then monday we go down to tai chung to see my nephews! augh! i'm soooo excited. they sounded so cute on the phone. and who else but me will be the first to see if they can correctly pass piaget's conservation tasks. i think mater also mentioned something about getting "suan ming" or my fortune told. it also fascinates some weird perverse sense of curiosity in me. after that, back up to taipei, to see more friends and family... and back in early june.
sigh.
i don't even want to think about this summer and how majorly bad it's going to suck.
okay. off to drag cousin to the gym.
it's kind of hot in taipei. i went running this morning at 5:30 in hopes of missing the heat but after 25 minutes of jogging, i was literally dead. i wasn't even that tired after running bay to breakers. thus dashed are my hopes of running a marathon in honolulu. there is no way that i'm going to survive in that heat.
so things here are wonderful. we went to the "stai qi-ah" (vegetable market) this am. i'm still not quite used to seeing slabs of meat sitting out in 75 degree weather and people gutting fish that hasn't been refrigerated, but that's taiwan. the convenience of it is overwhelming. you can go to the stai qi-ah and get everything you could possibly need -- shoes, shoe strings, underwear, newspaper, beef, pig's blood -- in one stop. it's the rural and uncommercialized form of a walmart. i'm quite happy here, and enjoying the fact that everyone here does speak taiwanese and that i can communicate with them.
oh. i got my hair dyed red.
my father was quiet about it, which is sort of a silent, tacit agreement that he doesn't like it but acknowledges that i'm old enough to do what i want. how red? flaming red. it literally glows. as red as kate winslet's in eternal sunshine? no. but enough to make you stop and wonder what i was doing. and for my induction into asian mafia-dom to be fully complete. can't wait to tell cohene.
i leave tomorrow for taiwan. i'm really excited, but a bit frazzled with all the school work that is unfinished and everything else i have to do. i don't like packing. i'm most comfortable in my pjs and the thought of having to go home to fancy dress up dinners, uncles removed from 10 million degrees of separation in expensive restaurants doesn't really thrill me.
HOWEVER! i am looking forward to seeing my nephews, my cousins all grown and mature, my grandfather, to hearing the familiar buzz and comfort of taiwanese being spoken around me. i wasn't raised in taiwan, i don't know how to get around without a map, but it often feels more like home than any other place i have ever lived. they are my people, afterall. and though i can't communicate with them the way i can in english, going home settles me in a way no other place can. sf is a close second, but it's still not taiwan.
any requests? i'll bring back funky tshirts with mispelled words, fake haute couture bags, and cds with beautiful asian men.
i'm so excited.
the verdict on the friend is one that took me many days of deliberation.
in my study of zen, my master often tells us to look beyond what is said, to directly feel and perceive another's intention. when the guise of language and pride becomes involved, so many layers of abstraction are involved that detract from the intended meaning. what is received is often misconstrued, distorted, erroneous. to truly experience life, one must transcend those false and self-centered concepts and ideas.
well, i have worked very diligently on myself and on my studies to directly engage myself with others. in some sense, i have grown tremendously. in others, i am still selfish and self-centric. i still know how it feels to have pride and to feel indignant. it's natural -- i'm human. i am far from enlightened.
irregardless of whose fault it is, i just cannot be selfless enough or compassionate enough to deal with my friend's *real* intentions right now. maybe someday, down the road, i'll come to a junction when i'll meet her again and i'll be able to face her with true compassion and understanding. but right now, it's too taxing and demanding. so, i think i'm going to just cut this one off for a while. if it's meant to be, we'll be friends again someday.
in any case, i wanted to post the lyrics of one of my favorite songs. the melody of the song itself is beautiful, but if you really listen to what they are saying, you realize that this is how it's supposed to be when you fall in love:
There were bells on a hill
But I never heard them ringing
No I never heard them at all
Till there was you
There were birds in the sky
But I never saw them winging
No I never saw them at all
Till there was you
Then there was music and wonderful roses
They tell me in sweet fragrant meadows of dawn and dew
There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No I never heard it at all
Till there was you
Then there was music and wonderful roses
They tell me in sweet fragrant meadows of dawn and dew
There was love all around
But I never heard it singing
No I never heard it at all
Till there was you
Till there was you
place.
today was my first race -- bay to breakers. it started off kind of... poorly, as we couldn't find a way to get downtown, then my friends didn't have enough money to get downtown, and then we missed the start. we also needed to go to the bathroom at mile .5, but whatever.
7.5 miles later, i had finished my first race, run entirely in 1 hour, 20 minutes.
it's not that long of a distance, nor did i finish it *that* quickly, but i never thought, after all my injuries, that i'd be able to run that distance and come off feeling so great afterwards.
next up: 10k ocean beach run. my addiction has just begun.
when i got home last night, i was thinking about my date. what exactly makes a date a good date? makes you want to have another? what makes a date more than just a meeting of two strangers, but a meeting of two individuals seeking soulship, companionship, commiseration, a mutual foundation for the future? when do you realize that there lies promise in the other?
and so i realized that there are certain components to a date, to any relationship, that hints at there being more. i've never professed to like dating (i actually really hate it), but here goes an attempt at being a modern-day chick columnist. feel free to add:
1. the conversation : the way he expresses his thoughts on dostoevsky just floors you. it might not be his opinion, per se, but his delivery. also, an ability to impress the other with an eclectic smattering of knowledge, well-placed convictions, and a hint at a subtler understanding or appreciation of being.
2. the mannerisms : i once dated a guy who scrunched up his face when he was thinking. you'd think it was horrible but it was so endearing. another's eyes would tear when it was cold. it works when the little things amuse and fascinate you.
3. the locale : where you are is kind of a superficial consideration, but the lighting, the background music, the bustling of the kitchen staff, etc., all work together to create a mood and setting that can or can not be conducive to the deepening of nascent emotions.
4. grasp of the situation : how intact he is. is his wallet a mess? what does he plan? can he not find your restaurant? does he fumble when speaking with the waitress? does he stutter when something goes awry? can he parallel park the car without having you get out in -50 degree weather? he's got to have the "cool."
5. how he makes you feel : this is the clincher. if this person makes you feel so at ease you can eat your heart out, and then challenge him to a ps2 duel, there's something there. you don't really feel a need to worry if the little things are out of place, because you feel like he could accept everything and that you could safely lay open your heart.
just a few thoughts. i may continue this later.
i got this email this morning and started to cry. i don't know her, i probably will never meet her, but she survived. amazing. i want to thank everyone who called, emailed, visited post-op. i wouldn't have been able to do it without your support:
rcp,
I received great news this morning regarding your recipient. She has engrafted and has been discharged to home. They are also reporting that she is able to carry on normal activity with no special care needed.
Thank you for this very special gift.
Susan
indisbutably, one of the best cartoons of our generation! i can still sing the song, if you guys want to hear it. maybe i'll post that as one of my mp3s :).
one of my best friends likens annoying people to "diseased toes." he has, one more than one occasion, suggest that i cut off the diseased toes of my existence, and stop being nice to people who don't deserve it. i find it hard to do, mainly because i have a guilty conscience, because i was taught to be the "nice girl," and also because i try my best to forgive people of their transgressions. the few that i have lashed out to have attacked those i love most, or have done something so egregiously wrong to me that i could not sustain seeing them again (case and point: an ex-friend who tested out dating manual techniques on me and then accused me of being presumptuous and narrowminded when i told him i didn't like how i was being spoken to. this was just one of the many things wrong that happened, though certainly not the worst).
but i often have a hard time cutting off people. it often takes years and years of being annoyed, feeling hurt and angry, before i finally stop being lenient and take action to protect myself. on many occasions, it takes the ranting and raving of several good friends who assure me that this evil doer is actually evil before i finally grow some sense and stop talking to them. i really hate doing that though. it makes me feel like i am incapable of handling difficult situations and emotions. i'm a psychology chick? shouldn't i be able to handle *all* people?
well today's focus is on an old friend (let's just say it's a he). this relationship has had its ups and downs, but in the past few years it has degenerated into a state that really saddens me. i've tried my best to maintain this friendship and be his confidant, support him in times of need, but i seem to be doing a horrible job. he only contacts me when he needs me, and when i really need him, he will disappear on me for months on end. it's really hurting me, to the point where i feel angry when i speak to him because he makes me feel used.
let me just say, i really *dislike* being angry. it's not in my nature.
i keep trying to adjust my expectations, to forgive him for what has happened but at this point, i'm just spread too thin to try and be an emotional superwoman. so is this it? do you just cut the person off or silently grin and bear it patiently?
question: was uncovering the acts of cruelty under the priviledge of free speech worth the added risk to the military force currently in iraq? at what point does free speech and the right to know come at too high of a cost?
i'm feeling conflicted about how the media is handling these pictures of iraqi prisoner cruelty. the bush administration should be shamed for these egregious acts, but should the soldiers in iraq suffer for the administration's stupidity and for the media's desire for tasteless headlines?
poor wording. sometimes i feel as if i'm not very articulate.
i had an amazing date tonight. it lasted only 2.5 hours but it topped the list. :). happy day. funny how things come along when you stop placing too much emphasis on them.
finals kind of, uhm, suck. i'm going to run tomorrow to get the effects of 9 hours of sitting-on-my-butt-not-moving-studying that occured today fully purged from my system. i'm so excited to have a break in two weeks. this summer is going to kick my lame little butt around the world and back again.
but you know what? at least i know what phi and psi and all those other totally irrelevant stupid little greek signs are for. so there, statistic gods. i hath spite thee! take your interaction plots, F-tests, and degrees of freedom, and be gone!
it occured to a friend today that i might have been so cranky those past few days because i was tired. duh. i love how incredibly unintelligent i can be sometimes. i always tell my friends that if i ever get cranky or irrational to send me to bed. it's the best cure. and i only get egregiously irrational when i'm overtired. so i'm talking to this friend today and i'm telling him that i'm really tired and kind of feeling non-sensically annoyed. and in a stroke of brilliance he asks, "are you tired?" *pause*.
well yah, duh. i'm tired. actually, i'm really @#$% tired. and i need sleep. and i'm an even more !@#$* stupid for not realizing it. how i ever got into college and graduated still astounds me. and trust me, it befuddles my friends, too.
the real testament to my sleep deprivedness is that i'm listening to koit (the lite rock, cheesy music station) and this happy, gooey song comes on and suddenly i'm finding myself feeling really angry and thinking "this is b.s. who feels this? nobody! nobody feels love! this is a bunch of recycled cow #$%^& for fools... etc, etc, etc." with that, i'll paste the lyrics, end this ridiculous rant, and go to sleep:
Danny's Song
by Lonestar
People smile and tell me I'm the lucky one
We've just begun, I think I'm gonna have a son
He will be like you and me, free as a dove
Conceived in love, the sun is gonna shine above
Even though we ain't got money
I'm so in love with ya honey
Everything will bring a chain of love
In the mornin' when I rise
Bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything's gonna be all right
Love a girl who holds the world in a paper cup
Drink it up, love her and she'll bring you luck
If ya find she helps your mind, better take her home
Oh dontcha live alone, try to earn what lovers own
helpful life hint #1 (in case i've never dispensed any heretodate): do not lift weights the day before you volunteer for physical labor. it's a bad, bad combination.
on friday, i went and repeated my weightlifting workout to strengthen my body for running (isn't that an odd concept? that you have to exercise your body for a certain type of exercise. running is lethal :p). i did lunges, wallsits, hamstring ball exercises, lower back lifts, and upper back pulldowns and flies. and then yesterday, i spent 4 hours weeding the backyards of two elderly persons' backyards. our peers found a dead cat in the second yard. how fun. in any case, gardening is tough stuff. hoeing, the pulling, the carrying. it's a definite workout!
and then we went to see eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. i cannot say enough about how much i enjoyed that movie. and i also cried in it, as lame as i am. it made me wonder... if i had the opportunity to erase someone from my mind, would i?
i love running.
i love the cramps, the pain in your lungs as you gasp for air, the soreness that you're left with for days afterwards, the "why the hell am i doing this" thoughts that you have to stave off. for the first time in 10 years, i've been able to run long distances, several times a week, without crippling injuries. it makes me happy. so, thusly, the "cranky posting" era has come to an end. perhaps it will return, but it's gone for the foreseeable future.
i had a great day today.
my wine-colored futon cover arrived (16 buckaroos on ebay, baby), and it's soft, clean-smelling, and purdy. i switched my printer to a better resolution (1200 dpi) one at compusa for -$50, yes, that's -$50. us asians know how to work the system, i tell you. and, hrm. oh yes, my uncles have planned out our entire trip to taiwan. we're going back to where my grandmother and grandfather were born. i'm finding my roots, i tell you. and getting me some of my *favorite* taiwanese food. i am sooo looking forward to stewed pork on rice, steamed buns, soy bean milk, oyster noodles. just thinking about it makes me happy.
oh, i am also taking requests for tshirts with cute little animals like ducks and kittens and the funky phrases like, "live ducky" or "kitty kat happy." want sappy asian pop? sho' thing. i'll bring back boatloads. i gotta go check out what the deal is with david tao.
so that's it. no more cranky postings. i'm volunteering again, tomorrow.
oh. and the update on medical school is : no go. i'm too lazy to take the mcats, too lazy to spend my life idling away on call. i just think about having to be in the hospital for hours on end, 3 am, 5 am, and i think of athena and want to start crying. no way, buddy. and i don't think i could deal with listening to people's problems 24/7. i'd rather do research and teach. and teaching is what really fuels me. so, i've abdicated that desire. i'm content to be a professor, teaching the universe with my wise ways and discovering things nobody wants to know.
geez. i'm hongry. i can't wait until i hit those night markets!
for some reason, i still have my mit account. i somehow managed to retain it three years afterwards. i love the storage space. i also love the fact that i can go back and look at things i used to have. ahhh. my years as a young adult now long over.
in any case, we had zephyrs at mit, which are basically the unix version of instant messaging. it was a great way to keep in touch, and you could finger people to see whether they were logged in. (finger in a technical sense, idiot). i had a .zsig file that i used to title in my zephyrs. i've cut and pasted my favorites below. ahhh.. the memories.
the @color were just the colors i used for the zsigs.
@color(black)asians are soooo wonderful. ~ cohene
@color(blue)you hurt my feelings. i'm going to a corner to cry and smoke pot. ~ stanhu
@color(blue) So why don't you go running, and run twice as fast. And then when you are done, you'll have run for me and both of us will have run together. ~ jeyun
@color(blue)Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about love. But rather, it makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along.
@color(red)I walked outside and blew kisses into the sky, so one day you'll be sitting down, reading a book, or maybe taking a walk, and all of a sudden seemingly out of the blue, you'll stop to think of me, Only it will be because those kisses finally found their way to you. ~Hallmark Card
@color(blue)If all good things lasted forever, would we remember how precious they are? ~ Calvin and Hobbes
@color(midnightblue)It wasn't my ear you whispered into, but my heart. It wasn't my lips you kissed, but my soul. ~ Judy Garland
@color(gray)Have faith in your dreams and someday Your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving If you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true. ~Cinderella
@color(violetred)The purpose of writing is to inflate weak ideas, obscure pure reasoning, and inhibit clarity. With a little practice, writing can be an intimidating and impenetrable fog! ~ Calvin and Hobbes
@color(purple)Something we were holding made us weak, until we found out it was ourselves. ~Robert Frost
@color(violetred)What're you gonna do? Sick the dogs on me? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths and when they bark they shoot bees at you? ~Homer
i'm still feeling annoyed today.
i'm not usually this cranky but lately i've been feeling an extreme shortage of patience, and coherence, for that matter. if you read goonley's post on the pc, my email to him sounds totally deranged. misspellings (which i hate), improper grammar (which i hate), and just convoluted wording (which i despise even more). in any case, if you have opinions on mac vs pc, feel free to respond to his posting. but dur! i can't believe i'm being so retarded lately (not meant to insult anyone by the use of that word).
but i'm not going to expound on why i'm annoyed. it's mostly the product of seeing and hearing from several people who are unecessarily pessimistic about our existence, runner's knee, and an internet connection that refuses to let me backup my files.
grr. i need more sleep. that or chocolate.
excuse me if i'm not eloquent today. i'm very "out" of it. i spent an hour today trying to teach the three right hand rules to someone who kept using her left hand. after we finally established which was the right and the left, she seemed to confuse her thumb with the rest of her fingers.
today, i *despise* magnetic fields. they are not my friends.
in any case, i spent most of my day yesterday with 60 other people, making sandwiches for the homeless. afterwards, we broke into groups, canvassed the city and spent a few hours handing them out. although i've partaken in other volunteering experiences with the homeless, yesterday's was unique because it was organized by friends, and not a non-profit, and also because the leaders encouraged us to speak to the homeless and get to know them.
yesterday's experience wasn't easy. i'm so priviledged that sandwiches are a standard thing to me, and i forget that some people are homeless out of misfortune, and not out of their own choice or carelessness. at one point, a woman was telling me about her illnesses, the death of her children and her husband and i could feel my heart breaking a little. a few weeks ago, she fell into a deep fever, but two berkeley police officers found her and took her to the er. she almost died from kidney failure, but they managed to revive her and save her organs. in two weeks, she'll undergo surgery to remove a cancerous breast and a defunct kidney.
so i'm not nearly cogent enough today to say what i want to say in a poignant and apt manner, but yesterday's experience left me feeling completely different about where i am in life. i can't believe that we forget so much to appreciate what we have and how much it really is that we need. that sounds cliched, i know, but this goes hand in hand with what i was saying in my relationship posting the other day. we spend so much time looking for the answer, the solution, that we're not even cognizant of what we have.
how foolish.
so that's all i am gonna say for today. just a thought.