"el nino..."
so it's not el nino anymore, but it's ridiculously cold in the city. it went from 85 to 50 in three days. absurd.
so a late shout out to my good friend, goonley. he knows what it's for.
"bone marrow donation"
i got matched as a bone marrow donor. given how familiar i am with leukemia, and how horrible those diseases are, i'm gong to do it. it's for someone in boston. miss monica says that it's not too hard for caucasian people to find donors, but it is a lot more difficult for minorities to find matches in the us. so here i go. i don't have anything else terribly pressing to do nowadays, so maybe saving a life is next up on the agenda. i was registered senior year at mit, during a bone marrow campaign for a student with an extremely rare blood and antigen type. who knew it would come in handy later on?
off of the national bone marrow donation website, i found this description of the process. doesn't sound too bad. maybe i can even ask them to let me watch it:
After receiving anesthesia, the donor is placed on his/her stomach. The doctor makes an incision through the skin on the lower back and hollow needles are inserted through the incision into the pelvic bones (right and left iliac crests). The doctor then attaches a syringe to the hollow needle and draws out (aspirates) the marrow. (The marrow is sponge-like material inside the pelvic bone.) The doctor repeats this aspiration process until the appropriate amount of marrow is collected.
On average, approximately 1,000 milliliters (ml), or about one quart of marrow is collected. Depending upon the size of the donor and recipient, the amount ranges between 600 ml and 1,500 ml. For example, a patient who is a baby may require less than a pint of marrow, while an adult may require more than a quart. The amount of marrow needed may require several incisions.
"methinks me is excited"
dude. the brother is coming this weekend! yayayayayay! i probably could only get more excited if the whole family plus beckfat came and visited. and then if i won the lotto. that'd be prime. but anyhow, he's coming! it's his birfday.
so i'm going to throw a dinner party in honor of him. i'll finally get to meet all the people he went to school with. i think i've made up the menu:
florentine bruschetta
scallion pancakes
dumplings
spinach and artichoke dip
sushi (with unagi and various flavors)
salmon pate
chocolate chip banana bread
cheesecake
bread and cheese
if i weren't so full, i might just be tempted into being hungry by that list. i had too much cabbage for dinner.
"narcoleptism, ugly feelings, and saturday nights"
the weather in the city has been insanely hot lately. it started off on tuesday with lots of gray and clouds, and then yesterday and today, it was unbearably hot. well, unbearably by san francisco standards. normal by boston summer standards. i've never been in 85+ degree weather in october. or late october, for that matter. but it was lovely. i taught again for 4 hours today, and then took a slow walk home. the classroom was so hot i could feel myself getting dizzy.
so i think i've finally recovered from my two week cold. it first manifested as an allergy - icky sinus issues, lots of sneezing, watery eyes, congestion. and then it sort of migrated to a nasty sounding voice, fatigue, and coughing. i brought out my inhaler, and made good use of it, and then bombarded myself with echinacea, goldenseal, cough medicine and sleep. i was seriously narcoleptic this week. i think i slept an average of 14 hours each day, some during the night, some during the day. and today, i felt well. amazing! tomorrow, i'm going to go running. first time in two weeks since i got sick.
the whole illness resulted in a phenomenon that i have coined as "ugly feelings." during the ugly feelings stage, you feel ugly, talk ugly, feel like you look ugly, and even walk ugly. this all is a result of a physiological unwellness that manifests itself in your thoughts. and what i realized was that even though i haven't physically become more ugly, i feel that i have been ugly (with all the ickiness), and thus have probably been projecting ugliness. it's a very weird phenomenon, because you would think how you feel internally wouldn't affect how you appear externally to others, but it most definitely does. so this is one of my first terms that i am coining under wu-chology. yes, someday, i will teach, write, and study ugly feelings. but i'm serious! it really does exist.
to boost myself out of the ugly feelings stage, i reminded myself that tina, dave and erik are all coming to visit me and i also bought an abundance of fresh food - grapes, apples, pears, celery, carrots, broccoli, spinach, etc. then i purchased myself a pair of long needed sunglasses. yes, i've operated for 24 years without a good pair. all the recent sunshine in san francisco has necessitated pepper-squinting so i said, darn it, go buy a pair. and i did. and what shocked me was that afterwards, when i looked at the pair i bought, i realize that they were distinctly asian mafia. they're pink, with a silver bar in the middle, and they spread across my face. and they're pink. did i mention that? they're pink. in any case, i got them because they fit my face, not because i want to be an asian j. lo, and still i do look asian mafia. perhaps goonley and cohene were right -- i'll never escape the asian mafia.
so it's saturday night. i'm waiting for cohene to finish up his flight plan so that i can drag him to north beach to walk out and about in the lovely weather. then tomorrow, i will up and go to the beach with wchow... this is a random post. other than to say that i'm glad i'm healthy again, that the ugly feelings are going away, and that things are otay, even if they told me on thursday that the chances of my getting into my program are close to nil. it's okay.
actually, no. it's better than okay. and i'm finally pretty damn happy about *everything* in my life.
"woohoo!"
my brother might be setting foot in the city next weekend to celebrate his birthday. i'm excited.
i saw something today in my junk mailbox that amused me, although it isn't that funny.
a few emails, one after another.
the 1st: from Single Me -- Someone is waiting to meet you!
the 2nd: from Divorce Help -- Men, how to get a Divorce in your favor.
the 3rd: from Hot XXXXX -- Want some? Young, hot girls...
the 4th: from Dieters Plus -- Get the body you want in just 5 weeks.
my mailbox had perfectly captured what Americans today really care about.
"brad pitt"
oh. we also watched a river runs through it.
goodness. he is a beautiful man.
"not a happy pepper..."
tonight, i'm not happy. it's 2 am. i ought to be in bed. what is there to be unhappy about?
well perhaps i'm being petty. we've all known to be doing it. but, tonight i went to a party that i was invited to by my dear christophe. on the evite list, i saw that someone, let's call him bob, was going as well and a chill ran down my spine. bob introduced me to my *ex*. the *ex* who sometimes still makes me sad. not because i miss him, but because i miss the idea of him and because i miss the presence of a someone with whom i feel smitten and fulfilled. i'm stubborn. if i missed *him,* i long would have called him and made sure he had a part in my life. but instead, i think i've been left to miss the idea of a fellow who sort of captured and represented to me what i felt was falling in love. i don't think i've ever really fallen in love totally, but with him, i think it was by far the closest i've ever come to feeling that pure elation. i know when i really do fall in love, it'll be incomparable by any means. i'm still waiting for it to happen because i believe it will =).
in any case.... continuing. i saw bob at the party and he comes over and i'm like, wtf is he doing coming over? i haven't talked to him since he messed with a friend of mine he was dating and then started hitting on me. i shoulda known the *ex* was a bad idea if he was friends with bob. your friends say a lot about your character. anyhoo... thus ensues the conversation:
bob: so, how are you... -insert small talk here- . so... have you kept in touch with *ex*?
pepper: no. haven't talked to him. been really busy. (i said in a slightly friendly, but uninterested tone. okay. that signifies end of talking about ex. if you ask someone if they keep in touch with an ex and they say no, duh.. drop it.)
bob: oh yah i saw him last friday.
pepper: really? that's cool.
bob: yah we went karaoking. he's seeing this great girl.
pepper: oh. nice. i think i heard.
bob: yah she's really cool. i really like her. he's so happy with her. his life is great. he's got everything, because residency is much easier nowadays, plus the girl... (bla bla bla).
pepper: that's good. i'm happy for him.
bob: yah. he's really got it together.
pepper: (thinking.. shut the &*(&( up!) okay. cool. give him my best wishes.
bob: yah.. will do. hey - do you want to get together sometime?
okay.
rule 1 : don't talk to someone about their ex unless you're really good friends with him/her. and don't feel the need to rub their nose in it. you are entitled to want to see your friends happy, but not to make their ex's unhappy. that's just lame.
rule 2 : don't ask me to do something after you've just pulled crap like that. grow some nuts and try and learn some social etiquette.
rule 3 : stay away from me because if i ever see you again, i'm going to slap you silly.
man. that sounds so violent. i just didn't need to be told what i missed. what isn't mine. you might venture to say that i'm not over him. okay. you're entitled to feel that way. but i know it's not him. sometimes, when you lose an idea of what's perfect, you suffer more over the concept, than the actual loss. humans come and go, but those you've placed on pedestals become archetypes who always stay beautifully perfect, despite the glaring foibles you've had to polish off in your memory.
and tonight, i really didn't need bob to add in any more help in the polishing department. self-doubt wiped everything clean long before he did.
ewww. the user interface for blogger just got hideously ugly. i think it's time for me to switch.
"things for which i am grateful"
on my way to work today with the adhd kid who drives me insane, i decided to think of some things that make me happy in order prep myself to be more patient for a grating two hours with him. i love teaching, and i love this kid, but his adhd, coupled with the 3 red bulls he drinks every session makes him literally *impossible* to work with. today, he forgot three times in 15 minutes that angles on a line add up to 180 degrees. i'm not saying this with a derisive tone. he's definitely got adhd and he can't focus and remember things very well, and sometimes, especially after an hour or so, i get very tired. anyhow, i just wanted to add in some things that make me super happy. feel free to add in, all you readers who read and never say anything. i know you're out there!
+:
the feeling of slipping into bed when you've just changed the sheets
snuggling up to someone after a long, tiring day and pulling him close as you fall asleep
waking up the next morning and finding that he's taken your hand into his
finding money in your pocket when you forgot your wallet
seeing someone who looks like your grandmother, and having her smile at you the way your grammy used to
crying over parent-child relationships in movies (yah. i did this to little mermaid. don't laugh)
a glass of cold, pulpy orange juice after a long run
mom cooking you a meal with all your favorite dishes
mom coming home with a bag full of pineapple and fish cause she knows you love it
dad cutting that pineapple and cooking you dessert late at night
female friends who are the sisters you never had who let you bawl for hours on the phone with them
friends you've had since middle school who can still remember the purple plaid pants you owned and let you live it down
waking up to the sun screaming through your window
boba or sago made with fresh fruit
the ache in your body after you've had an incredible workout
friends who watch you babble incoherently, walk into doors and immobile objects, say stupid things and *still* talk to you (i have quite a few of these)
knowing that your grandparents lived long enough to see you develop into the young lady you wanted to be
matthew mcconaughey (sp?)
or.. hrm... legolas. forget orlando bloom. i got me legolas.
chinese and korean soap operas
the birth of geniuses such as dostoevsky, rilke and austen (silence yourself, you austen-naysayers)
thank god for karaoke! la-la-la
sony playstation 2 and xbox and mortal kombat. and those websites that post the secret moves for mk
layers and layers of blankets that weigh down on you on a cold night
a brother i talk to everyday who is supernice to me
perfect pitch
i guess that's it. chime in if i've forgotten to mention another reason why life is so good.
"doh!"
i just found out, that due to funding cuts, a new idiotic governor, and general fiscal issues abound, the school might not be able to accept me for spring admissions into the master's program.
bummer. i was so bummed out yesterday. thank god i have shahma to lift my spirits.
i suppose i'll make do. maybe it'll mean that i'll be working more. maybe i'll just do some research at nearby said medical school or maybe i'll find some work programming for a bit of time. sigh. it's just a real "doh."
well, my spirits weren't meant o be deflated for long. the sun is out. tina, davido and erik are coming to visit me. there's love in the world. i can't complain =).
"i can see clearly now, the rain has gone..."
after weeks and weeks of an un-san franciscan indian summer, the sun finally broke out this week. it blessed me during the four hours i spent baking under the sun at sunday's lindy in the park, and yesterday when i turned in my grad school application and moseyed back home after a research meeting. and today, when i awoke, it crept into bed with me and danced on my eyelids until i was called from sleepy bliss. lovely. i adore this weather.
-interruption- hrm. i just caught sight of something very odd. the man whose backyard is perpendicular to mine, three houses away, has spent the last 15 minutes running back and forth in his backyard. i thought he was doing suicides but he's not running fast enough. and now, well, now he's doing his mini-sprints to a water sprinkler. this is odd. -end interruption-
i just wanted to put in a note today and acknowledge how wonderful things are. i can't believe how much my life has improved in a year, from when i was a pion in a big corporate law firm, doing loveless work, being completely unhappy with where and who i was in life, to now, when i'm passionate about the kids with whom i work, the papers i'm writing, the research i'm conducting, the direction in which i am heading. and now, when i am in a place where i can fully appreciate my parents and brother, and my friends, and all the luxuries and talents that have been bestowed upon me. and when i'm finally happy about who i am, and feel good about what i'm doing. it's tremendous. so... i don't know. i just wanted to insert a thank you to all my buddies who have been there to pick me up when i faltered, and to call me when they knew i was afraid of being alone. perhaps the hardest part was that they always wore a smile and brought laughter into my life, even when they knew my morose sensibilities could be overwhelming to them, too. i wasn't ever left to fend on my own, or spend a day unnoticed.
i really appreciate that.
"the straw that broke the camel's back"
today, wer're going to talk about deal breakers. i've had this conversation with many female friends and we sometimes come up with things that drive us crazy. i'll compile a few of them today. most of them aren't mine but are ones that i found amusing anyhow. i'll refrain from naming the person responsible, but you can probably tell which ones pertain to me:
lowly buttoned shirts on a man with too much chest hair
incorrect or poor spelling, such as mistaking "definitely" as "definatly" or "definitly"
white socks with dress shoes and shorts
wife beaters and loafers worn together
poor shaving technique such that little hairs are left to stick out in odd directions
declaring proudly they can do something and then can't
claiming to support equal opportunity for women and then wuss out when you're not "feminine" enough
ones without opinions. everything is good, okay, not bad, fine.
men who speak to their parents about once a month and don't know what their siblings do
having a tendency to spend all saturday and sunday indoors, watching tv and complaining that they're bored
no initiative to go explore the world on their own
messiness, dirtiness, lack of orderliness, old underwear under the bed, socks strewn about, dust balls
them asking, baseball? how many innings are there? 10?
a hate for soccer (bleeechhh... this one is bad, i'll admit it)
not brushing at least twice a day
undersensitive and overly sensitive
too much of a sweet talker and not being sweet enough (geez... women are really tough, aren't they?)
self absorption
unidimensional in interests, hobbies and work
lack of family values
lack of morality
no sense of humor. dry as a stick. makes you want to talk to a wall.
okay. i think that's it for now. this makes me and my female friends wayyyy catty.
"my life as a swinger..."
i met two swing boys this weekend. they are funny, swing boys. one had uber bleached blond hair, and the other had so much gel in his hair that they projected into little spikes. actually, it wasn't so bad. they both wore super baggy pants, smooth shoes, and bowling shirts. i've been infected by the swing bug, myself. i bought me a pair of bowling shoes. yes, all you mit friends can laugh. the preppy, law-type chick has turned into a grungy, swinging chick. i think sf did it to me.
anyhow. stop. change topic.
i think i almost fell in love with the second one when he started to balboa with me. my heart was thudding so loudly i was afraid he could feel it when we were dancing. then he stopped and taught me how to balboa and then i knew i was a lost cause. smitten, i was, i was. those swingers. they're crafty. and if they can balboa, it's poison.
and then yesterday, i bumped into him on a random street in sunset while i was on my way to dinner and he was preparing to leave for la. sigh.. my swinger boy. i felt an urge to grab him and start balboa'ing in the middle of the street. alas =p.
"disjointed arms"
i must say, some men can really dance. the exchange last night had the highest concentration of amazing asian men who could really dance in one room. i was in awe. everyone knows i like my asian brothuhs. but whew - who was to know they could dance? slap on a smiling face, a nice pair of broad shoulders, and i'm smitten. seriously, all those men i met last night pulled up the "can dance" average for asian men around the world. they were unbelievable. except for huru and shahma; they were always up there to begin with.
and then there were the dancers with whom i am somewhat regretting i danced. a few of them are really rough when doing turns and pull and turn your arms as they will. it doesn't become an art, but an act of puppeteer and puppet. my shoulders are feeling as if they were dislocated and pulled out of their sockets. ouch!
as i was driving home last night at 3 am something struck me as odd. the laundromats in sf are open 24/7 and they are unmanned! the ones in boston always had a scrawny little asian man peering down your neck, making sure you didn't steal quarters. the summer i lived in kenmore square, i did my laundry to chinese soap operas and feuding love triangles. but here, nobody mans the machines, nobody watches the customers, and there is no vandalism! dryers have their lint cleaned out and dutifully placed in wastebaskets, coin change machines are left unrobbed and the whole process pipelines without a hitch! amazing! it struck me as incredibly odd.
oh. what struck me as even odder was the fact that i opened up one of my students' planners the other day and saw that she writes birthday as "burfday." and then i realize that all along, i've written it as "birfday," too. i guess that means i behave at about the level of a 13-year-old.
"peng yo"
i have the best friends in the world.
'nuff said.