i woke up this morning in a completely different mindset. it was as if my dreams had liberated me from the rainy melancholy of boston that has set in for the last week. i had dreamnt of various things - old friends, old flames, a recent breakup. my dreams are usually very odd (for an example, take a look at the one about jet li) but this one left me feeling hopeful and calm. it made me realize the truly transient nature of everything, and how even the most fervent of emotions will pass. it left me grateful for all the extreme good times, and bad times i've had, because they've made me stronger, wiser, and better. and the lingering heartache i felt didn't even seem so detestable, because that too was a testament to being real and experiencing only a fraction of the joy there is to taste in life.
i woke this morning content and placid. i should have better remembered the poem by khalidasa.
you know, i think that momo is right. tracy chapman is amazing. listen to her song "the promise." i think it's battling khaled's aicha as my favorite song.
so this week has sucked. really badly. and all i can say is that i thank momo, beckfat, ty and hu-boy for helping me get through it. they have been my sanity when i lost mine.
i know it'll get better... but first, i have to write this essay. it's so ridiculous. i know i want to go to law school, so why am i brainfarting when i need to articulate out the reasons? i think it's the struggle between being clear and being interesting. it's like an inverse function. y = 1/x. okay. i'm going to stop now. mai mai.
ugh.
this has been a disgusting week. so particularly nasty that if it took a form, i'd beat it severely numerous times. over and over until it was a little puddle of nothingness. and then maybe, just maybe, i'd feel satisfied.
many of my friends had a really sad week. sometimes i wish i could carry their sadness, and deliver them to a happier time. i think it's because i choose to surround myself with friends who are truly good. perhaps so good that they get run all over by life.
i realized that i had a bad week this week too. i think i lost something truly amazing.
yesterday, i witnessed what i have dubbed "the full moon complex." the full moon nears, people start succumbing to feelings they've never before had, stray cats in my neighborhood that i've *never* before seen, unusual things occur... yesterday was just such an odd day. i don't know what to make of it. but today, everyone is back to normal so i'm happy. except that i had this really obscure dream about murder in an asian family. my dreams are always so odd. they're really vivid, in color, and always about suspense, kung fu, or war. i once dreamnt that i was jet li and i was trying to save my fellow kung fu friends who were trapped inside a collapsing wheat silo. the dream was so realistic that i could see the bundles of wheat, my queue whipping around, and wine kegs (taken from his drunken master movie) all around me. i think i'm really weird.
i kicked the lhama's butt yesterday on my lsat and gre exams. i hope this carries through.
cool new words = bigger brain = slightly smarter wu? :
obviate
proscribe
dissemble
egregious
imperious
insidious
sesquipedalian
i think i need to stop drinking coffee.
so i think that i've officially burned out from studying. i don't think i can take anymore monkeys who can't be placed next to tigers who need to be adjacent to each other who need to sit in front of the horses. why does that really matter to law schools anyhow?
so this weekend was actually really busy because the parental units came in. i took them to see cirque du soleil's quidam, which is actually a very artistic rendition of a circus / musical / abstract theatre. it's hard to describe exactly what it is, but we really enjoyed it. for all those in boston, try to see it before sept. 15th. i think it's well worth the cost and the short trip out to suffolk downs.
other than that, i spent 10 minutes this weekend trying to explain to boy why jackie chan's cartoon adventure is the best cartoon ever. i don't think he quite understood but it's so worth it just to hear uncle spew out his "jackiieeeeee" in the classic chinglish, and watch people jump all over. yah, i'm pretty much a kung-fu movie freak. sit me down in front of jet li and you won't be able to get a word out of my mouth. and the cartoon is excellent because it mixes in all this random chinese folklore with ghosts, and family values. it's the best. really. anyhow, i don't think i quite convinced him. he then spent 10 minutes trying to convince me why grape wine should be called "grape wine" instead of just "wine" and why the word "oriental" should be revived. we are so weird.
and then tonight, when i was making noodles for me and cat to eat, there was a random sitcom on fox about some american family. i didn't get to really see much of it, as i was preoccupied by the boiling noodles sticking to each other, but the basic premise was this: the dad on the show was trying to convince his daughter to apply to mit. she didn't quite have the credentials to get in, but he was muttering something about pulling strings for her, and she kept asking him with an obvious reluctance, why mit? it seemed odd to me that they'd use mit as the quintessential, to-strive-for school, as harvard seems to be the school with more prestige. but, it made me think about all the times at mit i was unhappy and discontent with the dedication necessitated by my education, all the sunrises i witnessed with a disgruntled disposition, all the times the stubborn ant wouldn't move correctly in .004 lab. it also made me really appreciate the opportunity i had to be a student at mit, and the great education i was afforded, and all the amazing friends i found there, and the crazy things we did while there. i might grumble sometimes and say that i really disliked mit, but i don't think that's the truth. i think i can say, now, that i actually enjoyed it, and that i'm glad i didn't transfer.
i think i am the biggest loser in the world. so stan and i are writing today and look what i write:
RCP: "Pepper responds to Stan's comment by:
RCP: a. directing attention away from stan's argument
RCP: b. attacking stan's character
RCP: c. refuting the possibility of other causes
RCP: d. providing justification in support of stan's comment
RCP: e. repeating stan's conclusion in other words"
i have turned into the human lsat.
so it's actually only 10 pm and i'm ready to pass out. spinning class today was really intense, because amry kept making us do crazy sprints and then a 15 minute climb. i felt so good that i kept upping the resistance, but at the end of it, i was hurting so much that i didn't really enjoy the callipygian fruits of my labor.
in any case, i had a pretty good day today. tested really well on the lsats... it seems like if you keep practicing those stupid little suckers, they'll eventually beome easier. but it's so much time. repetition after reptition.
and for some reason today, i remembered when stan and i had gone to the boston commons a few months back... when winter was still heavy set in boston and the trees were naked of their foliage, and the boston park lake empty of the swan boats and water.. when boston was still barren from the effects of winter, stan and i had sat by the lake. it was a pretty gloomy day that day, gray as winters here often are, and it felt as if there was an impending storm in the sky. i don't know why i thought of that day, but it suddenly made me realize what a beautiful city boston is and how much i really do like it here. i think i really will miss the people, the little idiosyncracies of this place when i leave... and although i may not believe that i will get into a law school and leave, it's nice to have friends and family who believe in me.
look for my buddy steve.
alas, we are dweebs. for all ya'll who want to know what mit means, this is it =)
Here's my first publishing =p. how exciting!
i'm off to yoga and a fast run.