r e d.chilipepper

at the threshold

a classmate of mine was telling me that she has been thinking of being a surrogate mom. at the age of 28, she's starting to get nesting instincts, and wants to opportunity to feel life growing within her before graduate school consumes her any further. it was odd for me to hear her saying this because she's probably the best in the class, and the most talented of all of us. given the opportunity, she'd easily sail into academic success.

and so this is what it has come to. many of us spent our adolescent years slaving away over formulas and essays, or in the newspaper office, or in buses that carried us to and fro sports events. it was all to fit the box of what colleges wanted. many of us found, however, that through each door we walked, lay a longer road ahead, and often, a much more arduous one.

i'm entering my late twenties in a few months, and it's all beginning to change for many of my contemporaries. most of them, brilliant and talented, are starting to turn away from the glamorous careers and the search for success to what they define as being: friends. family. life. time. exploration. they all comment on how they are valuing that which they never realized they needed. they want time to sleep in on saturday mornings and the ability to walk away from deadlines. they want a job that will let them choose wife, husband, children, parents, vacations to nestled alleys in europe, evening horseback rides.

for me, it's been a switch. in college, i definitely felt that there was more to work. psychology has been an opportunity to throw myself into a profession that gives back to the world. it's been a blessing. but now i'm looking down one of those roads and i'm wondering where it leads. work has brought me joy but my happiest moments haven't been alone with a book or with my laptop. it's been with the people i love most in life.

so, it's okay. i'm standing at the line between the past and what is to come. i'm excited for what may happen, but i'm really starting to realize, and most importantly, feel, that the essence to who we are isn't in what we do. it's just a fringe benefit, really. i've waited a long time to finally feel free of any worries regarding what is to come.