parakkum

I'm taking as a given that certain things have to occur in each movie, and I will do my best to make them happen. These "must happens" are:

Phantom Menace

Anakin must be found and taken from Tatooine
The Pod Race must happen (not for any plot reason, but because Lucas likes it so much)
Senator Palpatine must gain the executive office
Amidala must be introduced
Darth Maul must die

Attack of the Clones

Anakin must be reintroduced to Padme
Anakin and Padme must get involved
Jango Fett must appear, and die (just to please the fans)
The Army of the Republic must make an appearance
Anakin must lose a limb (I figure this is a step on his way to becoming evil)

Revenge of the Sith

Most of the remaining Jedi should probably be killed off
Mace Windu must be killed off (so says Lucas)
Anakin must turn to the Dark Side
Kenobi must fight Anakin

Okay, then, let's have a go at rewriting. I haven't done Revenge, but the first two are covered below. Attack diverges more than Phantom Menace.

Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Our story begins with a Trade Federation blockade of the planet Naboo. Two Jedi negotiators, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obiwan Kenobi, are ambushed onboard the Trade Federation ship and escape to the planet below. There, they evade the Federation's droids and rescue Jarra, a former chief exiled from the Gungan community for thievery. He takes them back to the Gungan city, where they negotiate his release and secure a craft for travel to the Queen's palace (big fish sequence optional). [As a general note, I'd have the Gungans speak in subtitled alien language to each other, and in accented but reasonably eloquent English to humans.] In the palace, they rescue Amidala and her retinue. The Federation's collaborator, Darth Sidious, is enraged. He wants Amidala dead (the Federation believes this will secure their control of the planet, but Palpatine will use it as leverage, one more war crime committed on the current chancellor's watch). The Queen's ship escapes with R2's help and then limps to Tatooine, where it stops for parts.

On Tatooine, they quickly find parts, but the repair work will take a little while. In the junk shop, Qui-Gon notices twelve-year-old Anakin. Sensing something special about this boy, he tries a few simple tests and realizes the Force is quite strong in him. He tries to recruit Anakin, but the boy is a slave, and cannot leave under penalty of (explosive) death. Believing the boy is important, Qui-Gon offers the considerable wager of the Queen's ship -- without her permission -- as an entrance fee for the upcoming pod race. If he wins, he will buy Anakin's freedom. Anakin, confident in his skills and a bit smitten by the not-too-disturbingly older Padme, is happy to give it a shot. During the race he proves himself a badass, piloting his home-built pod to a stunning victory over the best of the best. In the meanwhile, however, Padme has given in to her compassion and replied to a message from Naboo, setting Darth Maul hot on their trail. He arrives as they are preparing to leave and a lightsaber duel between Maul and Qui-Gon ensues. Qui-Gon makes his escape and the ship blasts off to Coruscant.

On Coruscant, Senator Palpatine successfully casts down the current Chancellor, setting himself up to take the post. At the same time, the Jedi council refuses to consider training the very old Anakin, at least for the moment. Instead, they task Qui-Gon and Obiwan with watching the Queen, in hopes of encountering the mysterious Sith assassin again. Frustrated by the lack of progress in the Senate, Amidala decides to head back to Naboo. Though the blockade has decreased, her ship is peppered on the way in and comes down in a violent landing in the woods, removing any hope of escape. Once down, she calls on Jarra to guide them to his people, so she can beg for help. The Gungan rulers aren't having any of it, though, until Jarra negotiates a settlement by which the Gungans will gain equal political status with the Naboo, instead of the second-class position they've held for so long. The Gungans agree to help.

The Gungan army marches on the city, drawing the Trade Federation force away from the capital. Padme and her troops stage a commando raid on the palace, recovering and launching starfighters in a desperate attempt to hit the droid control ship. Everything looks good until the first volunteers run into Darth Maul. They try to shoot him, but he cuts through several of them until Padme calls them off and the Jedi step up. As a lightsaber battle commences, Padme's commandos find themselves cut off by destroyer droids. Anakin, "hiding" in a fighter, opens up on them, clearing the way. Then, though R2 tells him not to, he recalls Qui-Gon's directive to trust his feelings and takes off, sure he can make a difference. Battles rage on all fronts, but things are not going well. Padme is surrounded in the throne room, the Gungan army is in full retreat, the Naboo pilots are being cut to ribbons and Qui-Gon is cut down by Darth Maul. Kenobi's rage for revenge almost gets him killed by Maul, but he uses the force and calls on his master's lightsaber, cutting the Sith apprentice down. At the same time, Anakin whips his damaged fighter into the superstructure of the droid control ship, following his feelings and the force for the one shot that makes all the difference. With the ship destroyed, the droids fall silent, and Padme is able to retake the throne room.

Victory is celebrated by all, including now-Chancellor Palpatine, who can also feel the great potential within Anakin. Despite Yoda's wise council, Obiwan is allowed to fulfill his pledge and take Anakin as his Padawan.

Episode II: Attack of the Clones

My original rewrite of this episode cleaved pretty close to the original. However, as kwc as pointed out, there's just too much going on in this movie, and the story suffers as a result. I went back and did a rewrite that gets everything done but cuts away some of the excess.

The second movie begins with Senator Amidala's ship descending toward Coruscant. It lands peacefully but then explodes, killing Padme's decoy. As the opening scroll tells us, a separatist coalition has formed, led by Count Solon, a former Jedi. We return to a meeting between the Jedi and Chancellor Palpatine, one soon joined by Senators Amidala and Jarra. They're arguing on the way in, as Amidala is opposed to an army of the Republic, and Jarra is for it. In the meeting, Mace Windu indicates that evidence points to the assassination attempts coming from Naboo, but Padme's not buying it. She thinks it's her antiwar stance, as well as her recent appointment to a group investigating corruption in the Republic. At the moment, they're tracking down "black money" taken from Republic coffers and funneled to somewhere beyond the outer rim by the previous Chancellor -- who died in an accident soon after he left office. Feigning concern for her well-being, Palpatine suggest that Obiwan be assigned to guard Padme. She reluctantly accepts.

Obiwan and his Padawan go to their new assignment. Anakin is nervous -- Padme has sent him the occasional message during his training, but he hasn't seen her in quite a while, and he never stopped crushing on her. They meet, and Anakin is somewhat dismayed to find that Padme still thinks of him as "little Ani" -- though a careful observer can see that this simply isn't true. Though Anakin wants to find the assassins, Obiwan keeps him on task -- guarding. Anakin and Padme flirt a bit as she discusses an upcoming secret trip to the outer rim, where the investigatory committee hopes to figure out where all the money went. It's clear that Obiwan is suspicious of their interaction, but he keeps it to himself. Shortly thereafter, Zam tries to kill the senator with poisonous critters. A chase follows, until Zam is tracked down, only to be killed by Jango. Worried by the ever-increasing threat to the senator's life, the council assigns Obiwan to track down the assassin, while Anakin guards her on the investigatory trip.

A lone Republic cruiser spirits the committee away to the outer rim. On board, Anakin and Padme alternately flirt and fight, as she tries to push him away despite a nascent attraction and his strong affection for her. At the same time, Obiwan begins the Jedi version of police procedural, working his way through the Coruscant underworld until he finds the man who sold Jango his weapons. Obiwan finds Jango's ship in a run-down section of Coruscant, ready to take off. A knock-down, drag-out fight follows, but Jango finally escapes -- with a tracer attached.

Amidst all this, Palpatine is given war powers, with the vote driven by Jarra, who believes in strong rule and Palpatine.

The committee arrives at Kamino, where they discover the existence of the clone army. They return to their ship and start the trip back to Coruscant, with a pair of shadowy vessels in pursuit, and one of the committee members acting strangely onboard. Following his tracer, Obiwan tracks Jango to Geonosis. After a space battle, Obiwan lands and watches the goings on. Seeing Count Solon, he suspects a connection with Jango, as well as a surprise connection to one of the secret committee members. He rushes to warn Padme and Anakin, but is caught while sending the message. It's too late anyway, as the Republic cruiser suddenly drops out of hyperspace, its drive sabotaged. The ship is boarded by an assault force of droids. Anakin fights hard, but he can't stand against them all, and Padme is taken. Left behind is the diplomat who sabotaged the drive and betrayed them. Anakin drags him off to a separate compartment and, in Star Wars fashion, tortures him for information as the screen goes black. Back on Coruscant, Yoda is pained.

The cruiser lands on a nearby world, where they're ordered to wait for a Republic ship to pick them up. Disobeying these orders, Anakin steals a ship, using his powers to "convince" its owner to let him take it. Equipped, he flies off to rescue his honey. He lands on Geonosis and runs into the locals, which he chops through until he's taken down.

Then the trio are lined up at the arena and the final fight commences, cementing Padme and Anakin's relationship as a relationship, and ending in the fight with Solon and Anakin losing an arm.

Ported comments:

I would prune a lot more from those movies...
[info]cataptromancer
2005-03-08 04:40 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreen Select
Hey, see my journal for the reply to this. It got long.

(Reply to this)

[info]nowhun
2005-03-08 07:19 am UTC (link) DeleteFreezeScreen Select
I'm not even going to attempt a huge rewrite, but I will offer this alternate attempt to eliminate the redunancy at the end of Phantom Menace, and at the same time settle my "Achilles Heel"/"Little boy in starfighter" gripes.

There are no Naboo starfighters in my version. Instead, the plan is, as before, to break into the palace and seize Nute Gunray/Lott Dod et al. (Note: the land battle with the Gungans etc... is rather optional at this point, as I don't buy into the whole symbiotic crap. It works just as well if it's just "the people of Naboo" under attack).

During the assault on the palace, Darth Maul shows up. Qui-Gon goes off to fight Darth Maul, but firsts orders Obiwan to protect over Anakin. Anakin and Obiwan watch as Qui-Gon and Darth Maul do battle. Qui-Gon is killed, Obiwan rushes in to battle Darth Maul (he tells Anakin to stay put). Anakin watches as good and evil face off (foreshadowing his fight with Obiwan in the future). Optionally, parakkum notes that Anakin could try to rush in to help but Darth Maul (or Obiwan for that matter) force blocks him aside.

Obiwan eventually kills Darth Maul (I'm not a choreographer), but one can't help identify with any resentment that Obiwan might harbor towards Anakin, whom he must watch over ('til Dark Side do they part) because of promises to Qui-Gon.

In the meantime, Padme and her crack assault team seize Nute Gunray, and they are able to disable the battle droids.