it's really fascinating isn't it?
i've had the pleasure to meet some of the nicest, generous, interesting and kind people that inspire me to live as fully and passionately as they do.
and i've also had the displeasure to meet some of the smallest, close-minded, insulting, condescending, judgmental and unkind people as well. i was going to say that it was a misfortune to meet them, but then again, i guess they are a valuable lessons in life.... to stay away from people like them.
and really... it makes me wonder how they got there. why are some people so nice? why are some people so full of spite, so willing to put blame on everyone except themselves? i believe (yet another one of my currently running theories) that it comes down to how someone approaches and interprets life.
i will ramble more on this in the extended.
people who know me will know who i'm talking about when i refer to the select few that go under the heading of detestable. i used to refer to them as the people i hate. but really...i hate what they do. i hate how they think. but after a while, i can't really hate them. i end up feeling like they're just too narrow-minded and mean-spirited to help themselves and not meriting such a strong personal emotional response from me. :P don't get me wrong, i still feel passionately against how they conduct themselves and their negative impact on the world, but they're just too stupid and bitchy to help themselves.
some people know that i follow the blogs of someone that i find truly detestable in many ways. he's slovenly, slothful, racist, arrogant, blind to his own shortcomings, hateful towards the world, conceited... blah blah blah. and yet, i don't really hate him. he just kinda disgusts me (and his collection of what he eats horrifies/amuses/amazes me in some weird, voyeuristic way). contrary to what he thinks, i never really hated him because i never thought of him as important enough to think about. he's also the only person that thinks that i'm not really korean (which i am, just not...only that), that i've sold out (because i'm dating a white guy) and i secretly hate myself and my culture (which i don't, but i believe all cultures have some things that need to be bettered) and i'm a geesha to my rice chasing boyfriend (which is kinda novel, seeing as how i can't imagine this on so many levels).
i'm not even exactly clear how he came to these conclusions as the longest time i've ever spent in his company was when he was helping his then-girlfriend, my then-roommate, move. in fact, i found out indirectly from his roommate at a dinner after the move that he had any negativity towards me, since i hadn't spent more than a total of an hour with him prior to this.
he accuses me of being a fake korean that picks and chooses what i want from my culture. i speak and write korean and partly grew up in korea. i doubt he speaks either filipino or chinese. he claims that i have sold out by dating a white guy... what skin is it off his back? he would have never been a guy i would have dated, even if i were to prefer dating only asians. he makes derogatory suggestions that i'm some sort of geesha, when i'm pretty sure that he secretly wants one for himself. after all, he is always checking other women out, makes a lot of sexist comments/jokes, and had REAL REAL issues with strong, opinionated women. he says no one who isn't asian would understand how hard it is to be asian and a minority in the US. i don't see how it's less racist to assume that all asians are the same. i also fail to see how being a minority is unique to asians. he's the kind of asian where everyone else isn't asian enough or is too asian for his standards. leaving only him to be right.
i eventually confronted him (yes, the same guy i linked from my blog in an older post) and he's still pissed about it, something i take some pride and satisfaction in.
he remains to be one of the most bitter, angry, ugliest people i've ever encountered. there are at least 4 other people up there with him and they all have the following characteristics:
- a sense of entitlement
- self-absorbed
- lack of self-reflection
- incapability of taking responsibility for their actions
- lack of fact-checking and reality-checking to their beliefs
- complete and utter disregard of others if different from what they think is right or is unfavorable to them
but what it really boils down to is.... they're all shameless egotistical, selfish bastards (remember that i use insults non-specific to gender).
how do people get to be that way?
i can't imagine them doing anything but leaving a large wake of hate, bitterness, and damage whereever they go. in fact, of the people i am talking about, none of them have managed to really have any lasting relationships but with family (and those can be rocky and well, they can't just stop being related to you, can they?) and really abusable/similarly icky people.
life will never treat them in the way the want it to because they will always interpret other people's actions and events in life as personal threats and attacks. they perpetually act defensively/aggressively/negatively/heinously, chasing away any good thing that could have possibly happened. then they turn around and say that the world/life/people/everything sucks and cycle and repeat.
and everything i've seen them write or say is always about how someone is wrong and they are right, how someone slighted them, how someone needs to pay, how someone deserves something or such and such, how they aren't being recognized for their true value, etc etc. everything they say and do is about how others are worse than they are in some way.
that's the thing though... with 6.5 billion people in the world, you're bound to have someone be better than you on something and worse than you on something else. but i don't see how this has to factor into whether someone is of greater or less value than someone else as a person. they're just different, right?
and i really feel like the world could be a better place if people could actually love themselves and didn't feel the need to tear down others to feel better or appeased for the moment. because really... that's all it's good for...a moment. you will return to hating yourself even more later, because deep inside, you know that they are better than you in some way and that will eat away at you unless their lives are obliterated or something.
if people could actually focus on themselves and not what other people are doing so much and seeing their every action as yet another judgment passed on them, better than they are, blah blah... a benevolent kind of egotism, where you can accept how you are and taking things day by day, noticing the good rather than the bad. if people were truly happy, they'd want others to be happy and in turn being more accepting of other versions of happiness. you wouldn't NEED. you could be more generous of your resources because they wouldn't be the things that made you better than someone else and validating your worth as proof of being more diligent, intelligent, more DESERVING than someone else. you would want others to have what you already have, because you're HAPPY and you want them to share in your joy.
i wish... people could evolve to love who they are, so that they don't need validation of their actions and desires from the actions and desires of other people. i think that could lead to a world of peace, joy and happiness.... the kind that all these different religions talk about and fall short of providing. since i do believe in god and all.... i believe that that is what god truly intended. he intended us to be loved and love others in return. in loving god, we love ourselves. in loving ourselves, we love our neighbors.
that's why... as painful as i find these people, i can only wish good things upon them in the end. though a part of me wishes that they would suffer the pain that they have caused others (sometimes, even wanting to deliver that pain up close and personally), i know in my heart that the best way to minimize any more damage is to wish that they learn to love... themselves, and others.
don't get me wrong, i never want to see them ever again. if i did, i might have to be jailed later. but, i wish, from a distance, that they could actually heal and become happier people, the kind that overflows to others because in the end, that's what's better for the world.
