what's wrong with that?
i don't face as many confrontations about being angry day to day, probably because i generally am in a good mood in public.
why? when i'm actually angry about something, i show it at the time. duh.
read this article:
Beanie Baby: Mad Notes
meta already posted about it:
angry
some points i relate to, agree with, or have experienced myself will be in the extended with some commentary.
(all quotes will actually have capitalization, my comments will be after arrows)
Anger is a very difficult emotion for most women to navigate. The popular ideal of adult feminine identity is still one that is passive, submissive, pleasant, friendly and smiling. "Rage" doesn't really figure into it. An angry woman is assumed to be unattractive, socially clumsy, bitter, resentful--repellent.
"The vast majority of psychological study and intervention on the topic of anger has centered on its overexpression, disregarding the fact that inhibition against the experience and expression of anger are problematic and worthy of investigation, as well. Our society has a long history of denying females the freedom to feel and communicate anger."
--> this is regarding a women's therapy group, so the bias for women's anger in that quote. but really, society in general really frowns upon anger expression, such that people aren't really taught how to deal with it. men aren't allowed to express anger either, but dysfunctional displays of anger for men are implicitly approved by lack of action whereas women are actively trained to be more "pleasant." but if men were also taught how to productively demonstrate their anger, fewer violent crimes and incidents would occur.
Yes, you read that right.
Women are angrier than men.
Women with children are angrier than women without children.
And the more children a woman has, the angrier she is.
Conclusion: Being a mom makes a woman mad.
--> that just cracks me up. :)
OK, so, yes, feminists are angry. So what? What's the problem? All women are angry, whether they admit it or beat it down or talk it out with their girlfriends or take it out on dishes and punching bags. In a sexist culture, all women are angry.
--> exactly. why is it that women are demanded to be happier and more accepting of the situations that make them angry to begin with?
Anger is fine. It's healthy. It's like pain; it tells us when something's wrong and needs fixing. Anger is only a problem when it isn't handled right, when it becomes depression or violence or apathy (I think apathy is a flip-side to anger: Something angers you so much but you are powerless to change it so you just shut down completely).
--> ok. this is like a mantra for me. being angry is FINE. it's just a normal part of life. there is nothing wrong with being angry about something. it's what you DO with the anger that matters.
Even people who tell me I'm a very angry person get me angry. For one thing: they think it's an insult! There is nothing wrong with being angry, and I would suggest that never being angry or never being aware of one's anger is at least as pathological as violent acting-out (which I don't do). For another: I'm not. I am very comfortable with my anger. I have no problem holding it in my hands, turning it over, examining it; I admit to it, I talk about it, I try to get others to participate in it when it's an issue that I care about deeply; I use it as a fuel, as a motivator to get me off my ass and act in the world for positive change. Anger can be hard to handle, but it can also be a very good friend.
--> that's the other thing. so far, people who have told me that being angry is bad have usually done so because being angry at THEM put them at a distinct disadvantage. what's up with that? could there possibly be an ulterior motive? and anger can be a good shield and motivator against people who mean you harm and to act against such things.
And as some of the abstracts I've tagged onto the end of this essay reveal, women who are comfortable with their anger are more likely to be psychologically healthy than women who aren't. So there! I stick my tongue out at you.
--> that's just cute.
I earnestly encourage you to be angry.
Try it out for a while. Shout. Yell. Shake your fists in the air, if you feel like it. Bang your hand on the table. Scowl. Anger can accomplish wonders. Those people who tell you anger "isn't healthy," who say you should be happy all the time--they're not your friends. They don't really want you to be happy. They just want you to look happy so they can be comfortable with their lives on top of the heap in the status quo. They just want you to be submissive, passive, to play out your role in the Great Hierarchy of Life.
--> exactly! this goes with the "why the hell is asking how someone is doing a nicety/formality/given when people don't CARE?" rant that i do fairly regularly. if you don't really care about how i feel and what makes me UNhappy as well as happy, then just FUCK OFF. ahem. have a nice day~! :)
I tell you from experience, it is possible to live a full, healthy, even happy life with anger riding more or less permanently in one's shirt pocket. It doesn't consume me, it doesn't make me bitter, I'm not violent, I'm not even sad. I shout a lot. Well, not even that, really. I make sarcastic comments to the TV on a regular basis, but otherwise, I think if you met me you would quickly see I'm a shockingly normal person.
--> what do i do.... i yell and make snarky/sarcastic comments at things that bother me: tv, bad drivers, assholes. i'm still trying to work up to actually being openly upset at people who bug me. when i don't do this i get bitter, more angry or depressed.... sometimes all three. otherwise i'm actually a pretty well adjusted happy person. not bad, right?
