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I am the number
2
I am friendly
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this quiz by orsa
so i took this test. and they think i'm friendly. i'm not so sure about that. i can be.... but i'm also a great cynic sometimes. i am glad for those times that my cynicism is proven wrong.
but mainly... i wanted to write some more thoughts. these things are addicting. sometimes, it can be hard for me to get my pen and paper. you know why? (you'll laugh) i'm so perfectionistic, that i get annoyed with how messy my writing gets when i don't write on a desk. laptops don't have this problem.
anyway....the circle of blogs grow wider. i really love seeing what other people have to say/think about life. it's really the only way to enter into someone else's mind, you know?
communication is key. this has been stamped into my brain multiple times, over and over again.
so i wanted to communicate some of my changing views on war. and life/death.
i'll start with the war. i was very opposed to the war. i really couldn't believe that there were politicians who were doing it out of some sense of justice. i was convinced that they were doing it for very selfish reasons. or doing something silly like supporting israel and the jews because they thought they needed a country (i won't go into this, a whole different kettle of fish).
note: this entry might upset some people.
i do not in any way think that the death of the people there, the soldiers and the innocent civilians is just. i don't think that people should feel free to impose their will on someone else because they are stronger. and i think that that is what bush is doing.
i don't really like bush very much at all.
still.... i started thinking today.... what about japan? and their attitudes toward their imperialist colonies? i'm infinitely glad that the US went and stopped them. would they have wanted to had japan not attacked pearl harbor? i don't know... but i'm glad that they were stopped.
what about north korea? kim jong-il is one crazy, sick bastard, yes indeed. is the US going to go after him next? not likely. one of the reasons being that seoul, korea is right within shooting distance of north korea. and seoul being THE major city in south korea, probably not a good idea to excite that psycho any, you know?
but kim jong-il is a pretty crazy guy. hundreds of thousands of people are starving because of him. hundreds of thousands are dying. and if saddam hussein is just as crazy... maybe it isn't bad to take him out.
i can't say that i totally support the war. but i guess i'm glad for a way for someone like him to go away. i don't really know how i feel about all these things. after all, so much of the world is covered in greys.
i don't think that the US is doing it out of altruism. but i'm glad that the US got rid of japan's dangerous approach to foreign countries....
and mostly, all of this is out of my hands. so i guess all i can do is pray to god that all will turn out for the best. all i can hope that is the fewest number of people will be sacrificed in this hard time.
about death/life....
my uncle passed away quite violently over spring break. this changed a few things for me, though i think mostly for my dad, as my uncle was his older brother.
i always knew that life is short. you can feel it every day. it's already april of this year, and i don't feel like i've done very much with that time. at the same time, i know that i've done a whole lot and i've changed a whole lot. it's a big paradox. 
my mom once told me that life seems to pass at the speed of your age. that is.... when you're 10 you're going 10mph. when you're 22, 22mph. when you're 50... 50mph.
i find myself finding the truth in that every day. it definitely feels like my life is passing faster than when it did a few years ago. i mean... college feels like it went by in a blur sometimes.
knowing that time and life is limited... i try to live life in such a manner that i can keep true to myself and my soul every day.
this is hard.... because i feel like some of those decisions i make will upset the people i care about. i know that some of my decisions will be criticized by those who don't hold the same philosophies as i do. and it's quite frequent that i feel like i'm too idealistic to really fit in this society. that i'm a misfit.
but i'm determined to be a happy, true-to-myself misfit. so there.
this is why i want to do art right now. and i mean it, by saying right now. i don't know that this is what i want to do for the rest of my life. but i think that it is absolutely critical for me to deal with the issues that art brings up for me. it shapes the way i view life. i need that right now.
maybe in a few years, after my second bachelor's, i'll decide that my life will be better served being a doctor. most of my friends and family seem to think that that is what i should be doing now anyway. i have many friends that are convinced that i will return to the path of pre-med someday.
i'm not going to contradict them. i don't know my future. if in the future, i decide that being a doctor will be the most meaningful way for me to live my life, that's what i will do.
i decided long ago, before i really understood what it meant, that i didn't want to live a life with regrets.
and really, i know that i've made mistakes in my life, but i don't know that i can say i regret them. those decisions were made based on what i knew at the time. the results of those decisions shaped the person that i am today.
i know that as long as i'm true to how i feel and true to my soul, i will not regret the decisions that i make. and this is how i'm going to not grow resentments about other people.
my uncle's death... was a reminder to me of how short life is. and how sudden death can be. we're not immortal, though we like to pretend we are. we plan our lives in stages or goals, forgetting that we may never reach them.
this isn't to say that you shouldn't plan anything and just do whatever you want every day. it is definitely important to plan ahead and commit yourself to things that are important to you.
still, i think people forget to live in the moment, far too much. especially in this culture where people are discouraged from doing anything that isn't "productive," it's challenging to give yourself time to learn about yourself.
it's like... plan what you want to be doing in the next year, so that you don't waste your time. at the same time... plan the vacation that you've been wanting to take and leave some time open during the night for a nice dinner/movie/chat with a friend/cuddling with your special someone.
living life day to day, thankful for the time that we have, making sure that we're making the most of the time that we are given... i wonder if that isn't how we can be happy day to day.
the more i observe people, the more it seems clear to me that almost always, people's happiness is determined by their outlook on life. i'm not saying that people should be happy all the time, or that they don't have a right to be angry, sad, unhappy about some of the things that happen in life....
but honestly, shit happens to everyone.
we don't know half of the awful things that have happened to other people, we only know what happened to ourselves. and there are so many people that have lived through horrible things and yet still live happily day to day. and the big difference is their outlook on life.
i'm making it my personal goal to see what there is i need to figure out about my outlook on life, my priorities.
and i will make it my personal goal to live my life without regrets and to its fullest.
ok. i need a nap. nite nite.
)
This little Netherland Dwarf doe is 7 months old and no longer wanted by her first family. She's just at the age when female bunnies start getting hormonal and this life change affects their behavior, sometimes negatively. Since she is aggressive and and fearful, we've scheduled her to be spayed April 8, 2003. It will take about 3-4 weeks for all the hormones to be out of her system and then her behavior will start to change for the better. It's been our experience that, after spaying, even these tempermental bunnies make great pets and will be a wonderful addition to some lucky family. ADOPTED!
