minor rant on a double standard
this is something that came to mind when i was having a minor anxiety attack about finding a job, having children, societal pressures on women, etc etc.
why is it that in this day and age... women are now considered to be something less than par if they don't have a career as well as being a good mother? i mean... back in the day, women were only expected to be mothers and then discouraged greatly from having their own careers, and they had some contempt that women weren't capable of doing more than be stay at home wives.
now... women have lucrative careers, but instead of being given credit for this feat, they are now criticized based on how their children are doing. or they're criticized for not having children or not having a happy family at home. they are considered less than who they are because they aren't procreating like every other person out there, and it detracts from their accomplishments, regardless of the fact that men aren't held to the same expectations.
it's not ok anymore for women to "just be" a housewife and mother, but nor is it ok for them to have lucrative careers "at the expense" of their families.
but you don't see men being judged on these things. you don't see someone saying "well... he may be successful on the outside but his daughter/son is problematic, i hear". no one gives the guy crap for being single/divorced and without children. he's not criticized for not being married. he is not something less than he is for not having children. he isn't expected to raise the children.
oh, and let's not forget that in some cultures, it's still considered to be the women's failing if a marriage falls apart.
it just seems like with so many other things.... there is so much more contempt and criticism waiting for women given the same situation as men. i just get angry about these senseless double standards.
my own personal anxiety attack....
was about how by the time i get out of school i'll be about 27 or 28. and i know that if i want children, i should start seriously thinking about it and doing something about starting around 32. 34 is the magic year, you don't want to push much later than that, it gets a little risky. oddly enough, if you have your first child before 34, the later children will be fine. i think it must be the pregnancy hormones keeping the eggs happy for future pregnancies.
either way... that leaves me about 8 years till children. 3 years to a job. and sometimes before those 8 years, i need to get married, right?
and this all came about because while i was sitting at the airport, there was this really screamy, shrill kid that was having a breakdown. i mean... dude, scary. and all i could think of was "nnooooooooooo" and "i will never ever never ever have children" and "aaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh".
after further thought, i realized.... it's because it feels like i won't have time for me, ever. i'm learning to live for myself, right? but i still spend a lot of time worrying about my family and relatives... and my 20s so far has been pretty rocky (you can ask me for details in person, if you want, but i don't feel like blogging about it just yet)....
to have my 20s be tough and then realize that i'll have to dedicate another 20+ years of my life to these incredible human beings, if i choose to have children... i don't know if i'll be ready for such an undertaking by my 30s.
hopefully... the next 8 years will be calmer and seem longer than my last 5. then i might recuperate enough to feel up to having children.
then again, i suppose there is hope for me yet. i did finally stop twitching over the "m" word. well... almost. at least i don't have violent seizures and the urge to pack up and run when it's mentioned around me anymore. to even think about it seriously as an option is a vast improvement.
Comments
It sucks --
Career no kids: you're too career-focused and missed out on the "joys of being a woman"
Kids no career: you've bought into the patriarchal notion that your sole duty in life is to have kids
Career and kids: you're trying too hard to be superwoman and both sides are suffering for it
No career and no kids: ...hey, that's me!
Posted by: Jeanna | August 23, 2004 12:27 AM
ooh, ooh! me too! (people are right, i build off of jeanne too much!) ") i think, if i ever do get married, if i ever do have kids, i'd probably be career and kids woman...hear me roar! but, i'd probably want to stay at home when the kids are really young. (dude, if you have to work, you work...and my parents worked hard. it still sucks when you're the only kid who doesn't have a parent at some play or whatnot.)
Posted by: bleusky | August 23, 2004 11:30 AM