littlestar

since wednesday... i got average of about 4 hours of sleep. this includes nights where i didn't get any, and finally getting 8 hours once the graduation craziness ended.

i've moved a little more than half my boxes to kevin's place. and now i have the rest to move over there.

this is so that my cousin's new roommate lupe can move her full-sized mattresses into the apartment, because she doesn't have anywhere else to do it.

yesterday, i had a sort of frazzle breakdown after alisha and franklin left for la. too much crap to do....

now... i'm in this state of given-up. if anne finds the apartment a mess, that's her problem. i'm moving and another person is planning to move in. moves are messy.

i'm doing my laundry now and the dishes. i figure i'll move the boxes i was planing to move yesterday today instead, since i never got around to it.

my parents expect me to be their errand person. i understand that they might find certain things intimidating, but i can find myself getting angry when it's because they're just giving up without giving it a try first.

for instance... paying credit card bills online. they don't want to learn, yet they keep almost missing the payment deadlines so they call me instead. i don't understand why they just don't pay the stupid thing off when they get it, you know? or take the time to learn from me what to do. they are adults and so am i now. we have adult things to take care of, especially since i'm moving.

so i sounded tired on the phone and a bit annoyed... and there is my mom telling me that i shouldn't take on other people's errands. at which point i tell her i'm not, i do hers. i mean... last weekend was basically me dealing with her new computer.

and now... when i'm about to move and with the new girl needing a place to sleep in, at least, starting june 2nd... anne is disappointed that she's not going to have any quiet time to herself. if she wanted some, she could have come up sooner. i understand that she couldn't because she's helping her mom at the store these days, but then at least expect to have the chaos of people moving out, right?

and apparently everyone thinks that it's my job to deal with all the furniture because i happen to be the one here. if anne's so curious about christine's schedule to get up here and moving out her stuff, why does she keep asking me? a simple phonecall to christine could do it. ugh.... the chairs, the microwave... i'm tempted to just buy them from my friends so that i can donate them out of my life. and with anne talking about how she wants to have minimal amounts of stuff in case she moves later.... it's like, she's not doing anything to get rid of it. she's expecting me to do all the work. it's like... if it's not her stuff, it's not her problem. but she's totally fine with receiving help from me when she needs it.

i suppose some of this is because i do things thoroughly and take the time to read manuals (mom). but... i just wish people could do their own parts for things, as well.

i mean... things are hectic enough for me right now. i'm moving to a new place. i have to find a job because my parents told me that i'm independent now. and i'm moving schools, so there is a ton of extra stuff i need to deal with. administrative things. i need to figure out what i'm going to do about health insurance. reserve a moving vehicle. figure out where i can find a dolly to move boxes. etc etc etc.

this is probably why i have little sympathy for others right now. because i'm tired of having to hear about their problems without their caring to ask for mine, or not caring that i have a lot of crap to do. i can have the patience for that when i have free time of my own but like any other human, i wish that people cared enough to see if i was doing ok or offering some help. i guess i'm just disappointed that the "flesh and blood" that is family that apparently i can't ditch no matter how shitty they can be (according to my parents) is the people that give me the most stress.