In honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day:
Top Ten Pickup Lines for the Lady Pirates

By popular demand ...

10. What are YOU doing here?

9. Is that a belayin' pin in yer britches, or are ye ... (this one is never completed)

8. Come show me how ye bury yer treasure, lad!

7. So, tell me, why do they call ye, "Cap'n Feathersword?"

6. That's quite a cutlass ye got thar, what ye need is a good scabbard!

5. Aye, I guarantee ye, I've had a twenty percent decrease in me "lice ratio!"

4. I've crushed seventeen men's skulls between me thighs!

3. C'mon, lad, shiver me timbers!

2. RAMMING SPEED!

...and the number one Female Pirate Pick-up Line:

1. You. Pants Off. Now!

So help me out folks. If you were writing a personal ad for/about me... what would you say? Maybe I can use your witty, amusing, wry, insightful words to snag myself a great guy. Or at least some interesting dates that I can amuse and entertain my friends with later. Do, of course, realize that I'll edit as I see fit or necessary. You can leave out the stuff about how I'm borderline OCD, about to be a crazy cat lady, etc. Anyway, help me out folks.

Partially because I love this commercial. Boom de yada.

And now because it's parodied in one of my favorite comics.

I have been watching friends go through a situation that required an apology. The apology given was... um... less than satisfactory (some might say "lame" or "useless"). So I was thinking about what makes an apology "good". In that context I googled and found this article that explains how to apologize. It's a good article, and it got me thinking about some additional things about apologies. More in the extended...

1. Identify the behavior for which you will offer an apology.
2. Tell the other person what the wrong was you did to them or why you are apologizing when you offer your sincere apology.
3. Ask the other person how you can repair the rift caused by your behavior, or offer the other person a solution to the problem.
4. Make every effort to change the behavior that has caused the rift in the relationship.

These steps are great. There's nothing worse than an insincere apologyfor which the person is unsure about what they are apologizing about. Like if he/she says the words "I'm sorry", that's all that's required. Being on the receiving end of that kind of apology sucks. You don't feel acknowledged, like the person couldn't take the time to figure out why you were upset/hurt/frustrated/annoyed/wronged.

The first part can be the toughest. Often the reason you offended or hurt someone is not clear to you (or you likely wouldn't have done/said the offending thing). Putting yourself in the other person's shoes, without the clutter of your own side, your own excuses or blindspots can be difficult. But if the relationship is important to you, you have to do that. If you have to, enlist a friend, role-play it out with the other person taking your role so that you might be able to see the other side more clearly.

An important caveat to step 2: state the apology and nothing more. Do NOT offer excuses. Do not say anything that will dilute the apology in any way. That should not be your intent in the apology; the intent of the apology is about the other person, how you've wronged them, how you are sincerely sorry for whatver pain you have caused. Excuses or rationalizations have no place here. It's human nature to want to defend yourself, but if your'e sincere in your apology, merely fall on your sword. Your excuses are not the other person' problem, and you shouldn't further burden the person with those.

Trying to repair the rift or offer a solution to the issue can be difficult if you didn't realize what you had done "wrong" in the moment. However, with hindsight you may be able to pinpoint where things went wrong and make the more appropriate choice the next time. If you can identify that and communicate it to the other person so they know your thought process, and your sincere effort to try to fix the problem. Actually, I think I keep trying to go to the last step in this blog post, because now that I think about it more, offering a solution (as outlined in the link) is more about offering money for dry cleaning costs if you spilled on someone, or paying to fix damage to a car if you dinged someone's car, etc.

The last step can be difficult too, but making a sincere effort to STOP doing whatever cause the apology to be necessary is the most important part. In most cases I think the thing to do is acknowledge to yourself what you've done wrong, and make a sincere effort to change that behavior. That may not be overly helpful in the immediate term (i.e. both parties have to wait for a similar situation to arise), but this definitely presents an opportunity for personal growth. It can be difficult to recognize similar situations to make sure you do the right things, or it's easy to fall back on the excuses/rationalizations that caused the situation in the first place, but if you are in being truthful in not wanting to further injure the other party, you have to take the time and/or do the observation of your behavior and motivations.

Food for thought...

Possible future blog post topics: riffing on "things I know for sure" (or what I'd tell a younger friend or child about what I've learned in the world) ; romance for the romantically-challenged, meditations on relationships (friendships, romances, family relationships, etc.) and lots more. (Yes, I'm mostly putting them here so I remember them, not so much to build anticipation that I'll actually get around to writing more...)

Itinerary: We'll be in Amsterdam on Friday, and join the tour on Saturday. The tour itinerary has us going to to Amsterdam/Haarlem, Bacharach, Rothenberg, Reutte, Venice, Florence, Rome, Cinque Terre, Switzerland, Beaune and Paris. We'll spend an extra day in Paris, and then go to London for 2 days. We'll be back on Monday June 18th.

For the photos from 2005, 2003 and 2001, click the links. Here are the blogs from 2003 and 2005.

Soooo excited!!!!!

Actually, the grammatical errors in this one are minimal, but given that the guy whose money you're supposed to help retrieve died in a "ship mishap", it doesn't sound like he was diseased so much as deceased. I'm kind of curious to f*ck with the spammers to see what they do/say, but don't want to spend the time. Ha, maybe the next time I'm at home sick.

Dear Friend,

Urgent Assistance Required.

My name is Mr.Sam Dada . I am the chief Accountant with UNITED BANK OF AFRICA (NIG) PLC, here in Nigeria. I would want to use this medium after going through your profile to seek for assistance in a business transaction which is of mutual benefit. A foreigner late Mr.David McGrath who is from United State,an Oil Merchant/ Contractor with the Federal Government of Nigeria, until his death in a ship mishap on the 2nd of May 1999, who banked with us at our Bank and had a closing balance of US$21.5 Million, which the bank now expect any of his available next of kin to claim. To this regards, I have been directed by the board of Trustees of the Bank to notify the diseased next of kin, which I have done and found out that he has no next of kin, which means that this funds will be lost to the government, which we all know will be stolen. In order to avert this development I deem it fit to consult you also to present you as the late Mr.David McGrath’s Next of Kin so that the fund will be subsequently transferred and paid into your foreign account. On indicating your interest, all documents and proofs to enable you get this funds will be carefully worked out and I am assuring you a 100% risk free transaction.
You will be allowed to retain 30% of the total amount after the transaction. If this proposal is okay by you mail me as soon as possible to enable me furnish you with relevant details to this transaction.

Note: This transaction will only last us 10 working days. You are expected to forward to me Your Full Names, Contact Address, Occupation, Personal phone/ Fax number of easy communication.

Kindly contact me through this mail: (mr_sam27dada@yahoo.it)

Best regards,

Mr.Sam Dada

Ok, with that out of the way - what are people's feelings on the recent Supreme Court abortion decision? I found out about this because I'm on the Planned Parenthood action list, so they send emails about "pro-choice" issues, but I didn't see it in other news outlets. Granted, I haven't watched the news in a few days, but still...

Friday - the birthday girls!


Originally uploaded by cshellgo.

Kristi won two free roundtrip airline tickets (she filled out a survey and won the trip). She very graciously decided to take me to New York with her for a dual birthday celebration. We flew out on the redeye on Wednesday night after work, and got to JFK around 6ish in the morning. We were able to get checked into our hotel room early. The Doubletree gave us warm chocolate chip cookies (which were soooooooooo yummy). We took naps, took photos of the lovely view outside our room, then headed out into the gorgeous day. We walked down 51st St. and had lunch at Prime Burger. Then we walked over to St. Patrick's Cathedral which was pretty spectacular. We walked over to Rockefeller Center and saw the ice skaters. (I thought the rink would be much bigger. Huh...) Then we walked past Radio City Music Hall.

By the time we walked down 6th and found Bryant Park, our feet were getting tired so we decided to sit in the park for a bit, watch people go by. We spotted a bit of the Chrysler building behind other buildings and the public art in the park. And there was a carousel in the park that we went to snap a couple of photos of. Feeling refreshed, we walked over to Times Square, where Kristi felt compelled to put her head in Will Ferrell's crotch. For dinner we went out and found pho. (It wasn't as good as Ho3, but pretty satisfying nonetheless.)

We talked to the concierge about where to go for dinner and drinks. We found the pho restaurant on our own. We then went in search of the bars that the concierge told us about. We then thought he must have been smoking crack as we never found the places he was talking about. Since we were still a bit wired when we went back to the hotel, we went to hang out for a bit in the hotel bar. We were having a good time hanging out, chatting, etc. when we saw a group of 4 drunk guys by the door. Well, ok, two were probably just a bit drunk, but the other two were DRUNK. Kristi noticed that one of the did a drunken pause when he got up (i.e. to steady the room, or to remember where he was going).

Then the drunker of the two started weaving his way over to us. Uh oh... He introduced himself as Johnny K. We found how trullllllllly drunk he was because he couldn't remember that we'd told him where we were from (a couple of times), and he could barely focus on us. His friend Mike came over to talk to us too. I was hoping Mike was less drunk and would rescue us from Johnny K, but no dice. He was 5 or 6 sheets to the wind too. JK finally figured out that we were not blown away by his charms and were not going to invite him back to our room, so he went back to his friends, so we were able to make our escape to our room. Whew... (Sadly, I didn't have my camera to commemorate this interaction.)

On Friday we got up lateish and went to the Met. We of course had to take photos in front of the big windows like in When Harry Met Sally. Then we walked over the Guggenheim as I was hoping to get pictures of the outside, but the exterior is being renovated. So from there we went for a walk in Central Park - which was gorgeous.

Friday night we went out for drinks with some of her friends at The Tempest. We had a great time. One of the guys walked across the street to get pizza (since we didn't want to leave our primo spot in a booth). Kristi was being a bit boy crazy, but that was kind of entertaining to watch. We met guys from Long Island - Vinnie (who Kristi said was kinda dirty hot), and James (who had a huge dragon tattoo on his back - which you could see because he was wearing a wife beater), and Scott (who was cute but kinda ditzy). They had been to the Black Sabbath concert at Madison Square Garden (which is right behind Penn Station - who knew?).

Saturday morning we got a slooooowwww start. We had to check out of the hotel. Kristi had gotten a free night at a Hilton due to a bad experience at another property. So we got our stuff and got a cab over to the Hilton (on Avenue of the Americas/6th Ave.). We couldn't check in at that point as the room wasn't ready, so we went in search of lunch. We had lunch in a brewpub near the hotel, then went back to check in. On the way back to the hotel there was a street vendor selling purses, so we both bought a couple. I took a nap, and Kristi did some work.

Then we got ready to go out for the evening. We thought we'd go check out Greenwich Village on the recommendation of Vinnie and some of Kristi's friends from the bar. In another "When Harry Met Sally" moment, we had to go to the arch from when he drops her off at NYU (in Washington Square Park). We walked around a bit, but the main drag in the area, Bleeker Street, was overrun with drunken frat boys roaming the streets in weaving herds. We decided that wasn't our scene. But we found a cool vegetarian restaurant

He had a dingle, which was now matted to the fur on his rear end from dragging his rear end on the hardwood floors. Ok, so that clearly can't stay there, and I needed to figure out where he'd dragged his butt so I could clean it up.

I started with a damp paper towel, thinking I could merely pull it off his fur. I kinda trapped him between my lower legs with his head facing behind me. I picked up both back paws so he was stuck, and tried to pull the dingle off. I got it off, but his fur was still dirty. He ran away when I let him go. So I found an old towel, and wet down half of it. I got him into the guest bath (because it's bigger, but still a space that I could close him into). At first he tried to run away from me, but when he finally laid down, he submitted to me cleaning his rear end with the damp towel.

So you'd think that that would have been enough. But no. Later in the evening he was feeling more perky again (after a catnap), so he was exploring. I had an empty tissue box on the coffee table. He knocked it to the floor, where it landed upright. So of course he stuck his head into it to investigate. His head promptly got stuck. So he was flailing his head back and forth, bonking the box on either the couch or the coffee table until I was able to get to him to get the box off his head. I then threw it away so that we wouldn't have a repeat of the situation.

His pride sufficiently wounded for one evening, he finally settled into a long nap on the back of the sofa. I thought his very bad day was almost over when I went to get ready for bed. But I was mistaken. Both the cats like to jump up on the bathroom counter when I'm in there so they can investigate what I'm doing, play with the running water, etc. Sometimes they jump directly onto the counter, and sometimes they jump onto the toilet seat and from there to the counter.

Cody chose to jump onto the toilet seat. Given the kind of day he was having, I could have told him that that would be a bad idea, but oh well. So he tried to jump onto the toilet seat, was going too fast and landed with both left feet (front and back) in the toilet. He immediate jumped onto the bathmat and then tried to clean up his wet feet, but the damage was done. I picked him up and carried him to bed so there'd be no more mishaps. And he hasn't had such a bad day since.

Now that I've owned the kittens for about a month or so, I thought I'd share some of the lessons I've learned (see extended).

Cody is pretty adventurous, and is starting to follow me around the house. Kirby definitely has been taking longer to warm up to me, but I'm encouraged that he's getting braver. I put them in the office the first night as recommended by the breeder. I "misplaced them the first night. I thought I'd kitten-proofed the room by not allowing them places to hide and lots of soft/comfy places to sleep (blankets I'd used, etc.). But after an hour or two I couldn't find them. I finally found them behind some paintings that I had leaned up against a bathroom cabinet from the old house. Once I moved the paintings, I found they'd crawled in a little cubby in the cabinet. They wouldn't let me get close to them, much less hold them on Thursday night. I let them start wandering around the house that night, but then couldn't find Kirby. Cody is the more vocal of the two, and he cried all night as if he was looking for his mom. It was heartbreaking - he cried so long I think he made himself hoarse. Cody cried a bit too, but not as often and not as loudly (merely a chirpy meow once in a while as opposed to Cody's constant mrrrowwwling)

I stayed at home in the morning on Friday doing con calls, and still couldn't find Kirby, but figured there was really nowhere he could hurt himself, so I went to work. I came home at beer bash time, and still couldnt' find Kirby. I finally noticed that one of the bottom drawers of my dresser was ajar (not open, but slightly out of place). I opened the door, and Kirby was sleeping in there. Whew... I didn't lose the kitten in the first 24 hours, he merely managed to misplace himself. I went off to play poker Friday night, getting home around 1:00. They were in my room sleeping. I left the bedroom door open so they could wander - and that turned out to be a good idea as they got a bit rambunctious, but were able to run off some energy in the rest of the house so I could sleep. Cody cried a bit, but not as bad as Thursday night.

Yesterday I took them to the vet. They were not overly happy with me, and still wouldn't let me pick them up anymore. (I was able to get Kirby into the carrier as he was in the drawer and couldn't get away from me, and picked up Cody when he went to investigate Kirby being in the cage.) They did pretty well with the vet, who said they were healthy. He gave me some info to read about behavioral issues with cats and how to deal with them, vaccination schedules, etc. They warmed up to me a bit more through out the day, and let me play with them a bit, though if I moved too suddenly or was too loud, they'd run for cover.

Today I was shocked that not only did they come out and explore the house on their own, they also started climbing up onto the bed to nap. Kirby and Cody also let Shane and Alyssa play with them, though wouldn't let themselves be picked up or held. I'm hoping they'll continue to warm up and maybe even get snuggly soon. I'm guessing that if it starts getting cooler soon, they may start snuggling up with me if only for warmth. It's amazing how much I love them already, and since this is as likely as I'm going to get to parenthood, I hope my little family thrives.