(The following post comes from an email thread where someone pointed out that the owner of a "special" car might be a cute eligible bachelor.) It's deceptive. He looks cute. He looks normal. Until you see his car.
Shouldn't there be some visual way that you can look at someone who might be out in the dating world and determine what kind of freak they are so that only those people find each other and don't waste other people's time??? I see it working like Garanimals for dating. Each person has a card that has vitals of whatever sort on it. You match them up, and bingo! you have the perfect date. Ok, so the date may not be perfect, but you can at least keep specific types of freaks with their own kind (i.e. furries or whatever.)
Yes, I'm stuck on this. Why not, I haven't obsessed (out loud) about anything in a long time. Found and flirted with another cute older man. Who's married, of course. I don't wish to be a home wrecker, so that's out. But the flirtation was fun while it lasted. And I did think about it for more than a dismissive 1/2 second (which is unusual). Maybe it's time to indulge my crush again?
Ok, and while I'm angsting, I've been starting to get worried about money. Not because I'm really out of money (I still have some stock), but because my finances have changed a bit with the new year and I need to adjust my spending accordingly. So I sorta did that. Ok... after I went a little crazy at Victoria's Secret. Why there? When there's not a hope in hell of anyone else seeing all the lovely stuff I bought? Because there was at least a little bit of practicality going on and I had to replace stuff. But mostly because it made me jump up and down in my room as I tried stuff on - like a little girl playing dress up. Because while everything else might suck, I'll still have something that makes me smile, walk a little taller and with a swagger in my step. I mean, what girl doesn't want a cute pair of hot pink undies with reindeer (I think?) and sparkles on them???
Sorry for the lack of posts. It's stemming mostly from a lack of things to say. I'm EXTREMELY unhappy in my job right now, and that's sucking the life out of me. When I get home the last thing I want to do is think. I want to escape into a book or TV or a movie so that there's the possibility that I can forget for a while that I have to get out of bed and do it all over again tomorrow.
Yes I'm looking for other jobs. No I haven't found anything promising. No my resume really isn't up to snuff because I don't have the energy to make it kick ass. No I can't interview in this condition. And therefore the spiral.
On the bright side, I still have my sense of humor for the moment. I am (mostly) managing to keep myself afloat. And I'm starting to think out of the box about what I might do with myself. Like take 6 months off (or more) and go live in Italy. Call it a premature mid-life crisis. I'm not ready to take that leap yet. And of course if I'm looking for a job, that'll cut the whole "take time off to figure out who I am" thing short. So I'm on the fence about what to do, and waiting for the big kick in the ass from the universe in one direction or the other. I'll let you know when I get it.
Woo hoo! Not only was it Christmas because I finally saw Meta and then went to 1010 to collect my gifts, but then when I got home there was an Amazon box too!!
Ok, first the good stuff... collectively from 1010 I got stuff to help me relax (smelly girly bath stuff), and then when I'm good and relaxed, something to fantasize over (Orlando Bloom or Johnny Depp... decisions, decisions...), and then when my brain is working again, some good books to read (Rilke - Letters to a Young Poet and Tillie - Tell Me a Riddle).
And I got to catch up with my friends who I haven't seen in weeks, and see the new toys they got. And I got the beginnings of a new blog that will be hosted somewhere other than Blog*Spot, so I'll be able to do cooler things (as soon as I figure out how). Maybe I'll finally get around to doing something like a good web page of my travel photos that interleaves stories/text and has links from the tickets I saved to the web sites of the places I visited (there has to be some good that came from carting that stuff all over Italy).
And then I got home and had even more new music (which is good because now having looked at my finances, unless I sell some stock I'm going to have to actually pay attention to what I spend for a while). I got the latest Sarah (how unlike me not to have it the first week it was out), and a Bebel Gilberto and (I know it's lame to buy soundtracks, but I liked this one) the soundtrack to Woman on Top. Apparently I'm becoming Brazilian in my old age. (No, not in a waxing kinda way... shudder...) Wouldn't you know that I left my iPod at work???
Oh, and while I'm at it I should mention some of the other new music I bought - because I can't decide which ones to put in the CD changer in the car - Dar Williams - Mortal City and The Honesty Room (thanks MHR/PQBON), and Lyle Lovett - Road to Ensenada, and Emmylou Harris - Stumble into Grace, and Shelby Lynne - Identity Crisis, and Alison Krauss/Union Station - Live, and just to throw in a mundane one - Sting - Sacred Love. (Note I've had these all for weeks and probably not even done a listen through each of them yet... so much music, so little time...)
Reminder to myself - post about work/networking sometime this weekend. Make Sunday blog day - get help from 1010 folks.
Apparently Saddam Hussein is a good actor. Or at least according to the "reviewer" quoted here.
Why is it that after I watch that show I find myself talking (ok, writing), in Carrie-speak? My thought was - do the last of a dying species (single people) hold onto each other tighter knowing that if the others go over to the dark side, that simply leaves them more alone? Is it that we stragglers have to stick together?
I know that I feel this way. I would be devastated if my small group of single friends lost any members to the pod people (the couples - married or dating). Not that I wouldn't be genuinely happy for them - just that it would leave me that much more alone in an already cold and lonely world. And while I try to be cynical and pretend that I don't need or want to be part of a couple (and sometimes even truly believe that), the real truth is that that is merely the armor that I hold up to the world to protect the creamy center of vulnerability that I have inside. Having lost my last really good friend to marriage a few years ago (I've lost other female friends since then, but they were pals/acquaintances, not real friends), I think I'm mostly over it. But I do remember how devastated I felt when she started dating her now husband. I felt abandoned and alone. She tried her best to include me and still do things with me, but as these things inevitably do, her life and mine changed courses and we don't see each other any more.
Commentary - As you may note, there is now the ability for this to be a dialog, and not merely a monolog with the addition of comments to my blog. I'm looking forward to any comments you may have. Sorry for the ads, but this seemed to be the best of a bad lot. If you don't like the smilies, please don't flame me, it wasn't my content, it comes with the package. Simply don't use them.
Sorry for the lack of posts. I'm up to my eyeballs in alligators at work. I'll resurface some day. Probably next week. Oddly enough, for being so busy I can't breathe, and being back on Atkins, I'm oddly perky and cheerful. It's strange and unusual and I'm enjoying it. (Oh my god, she's been taken over by aliens... the real Cshell is not this perky...)
Back to the older men thing... I bought what for me is the equivalent of porn. I mean, I don't actually want to see a naked man unless he's ready and waiting in front of me... so the idea of Playgirl or whatever doesn't really interest me. And while watching pornos can be kinda fun (I get all tingly in my girly-parts), I would never buy one. Actually, I can't see myself renting one either - not because I wouldn't go into the store to get one, but because I can't see wasting the money. Anyway, as grist for sexual fantasies goes... this magazine spread was damn fine.
Not because it's a good computer, but because... well... just BECAUSE.
Ok, that's it. I need to find me an older man. Not old as them thar hills kind of old, just older than me. Maybe somewhere in his early 40s. Preferably sophisticated, has a bit of money to spend on me, has a bit of time to spend with me, knows a lot of cool stuff that he wants to share with me, but in a sharing way, not in a "let me show you how much I know" sort of way. Of course, real life doesn't work like this. What I want is George Clooney (or having seen the new episode of Sex and the City - Mikail Baryshnikov). What I'd get would be something way less cool. I'd like to date someone with whom I didn't have to do all the work and the planning - who would know exactly what to do to whisk me off for a weekend away (including dinner reservations at the perfect place, roses in the room, etc.) Probably too much to ask, but I'm asking anyway...
So talking about not talking to people often enough puts me in mind of what goals I want to set for this year. In the spirit of trying new things, I think it'd be fun to pick some interesting things I've not tried before and see how many I can make happen, like:
Maybe I should throw some fun ones in there too? Indulge my crushes at least once per month (I always feel good for a while after I do that). Laugh until it hurts a couple of times per month (not sure how I'll pull that off, but that's a good goal anyway). Dance a little every day (even if it's in your chair at work listening to my iPod, or only in my head).
I've been struggling a bit with what am I doing here, am I doing the right things in my life, what is my passion, and how do I fulfill that passion. Maybe by setting some goals I'll get closer to who I'm supposed to be.
Here's to a wonderful new year for all my friends and family. The party last night was very chill - thanks to my wonderful host and hostess (Mike and Bernadette). I had fun making the lumpia... who knew I was that domestic? The ham and pancit were wonderful too. Hopefully the cleanup won't be too heinous. I have much respect for people who would throw a party so soon after moving into a new apartment - cheers!
Talked to my dad and step-mom for the first time in a while today. Here is another set of people I need to call more often - they are fun to talk to. Apparently there will be a family reunion in June - that should be fun. I think this year it will be in Utah instead of Vegas - less chance of losing money there. (Although maybe we should all play poker one evening?)