cshell

Reading list

Ok... this list won't be as good as the one that got eaten, but if it's worth doing once, it's apparently worth doing again.

This is for Meta who wanted to know what I'm reading.

Categories:
Books I'm actively reading (active is a relative term - it means I am in the middle of the book somewhere and intend to read the rest)

Books I have queued up to read

Books I have completed recently

Books I started to read, but put down and still intend to finish some day

Books/authors I would like to read but need to borrow/buy the books

See extended entry for the actual lists.

Books I'm actively reading (active is a relative term - it means I am in the middle of the book somewhere and intend to read the rest)
Gabriel Garcia Marquez - Love in the Time of Cholera - amazing writing, wonderful language, proves I am not worthy as a "writer".
Andrea di Robilant - A Venetian Affair
Deepak Chopra - The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire
J.R.R. Tolkien - Return of the King
Robert Hopcke - There Are No Accidents - Synchronicity and the Stories of Our Lives

Books I have queued up to read
Gregory Maguire - Wicked - The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West
Umberto Eco - Baudolino (although I should probably read Foucault's Pendulum first)
Rosanne Knorr - The Grown Up's Guide to Running Away from Home
Ross King - Michaelangelo and the Pope's Ceiling
Majgull Axelsson - April Witch

Books I have completed recently
Woefully few
Tillie Olsen - Tell Me A Riddle
Rainer Maria Rilke - Letters to a Young Poet
Hermann Hesse - Siddhartha
Paulo Coelho - The Alchemist

Books I started to read, but put down and still intend to finish some day
Dava Sobel - Galileo's Daughter
Nancy Milford - Savage Beauty

Books/authors I would like to read but need to borrow/buy the books
(Note this is not a plea for presents - merely a reminder to me of things I'll get when I get some of the above books knocked off the list.)
Foucault's Pendulum
Charles Bukowski
Virginia Woolf
Anais Nin

I hate computers

I had a really groovy blog entry. It was really long and everything. I had gotten stuff out to do the blog entry. Then somehow my blog entry - which I had saved - is now gone. No amount of hitting the back button on any of my windows will retrieve it. Fuck.

What I know now

I saw something once (no idea where - maybe this is plagiarized off of something on misbehaving?) about what you'd say if you could go back in time and share your current lessons learned with your younger self. And I was thinking about that today. So while it might not help me that much (other than maybe as things to remember that I know so I don't have to learn it again), here are some things I'd tell my younger self (see extended entry):

A) Fight hard for yourself, stand up for yourself. No one will do it for you, no one else has your best interests in mind, so you have to fight for your own best interests.

B) Don't let the bastards get you down. People will find ways to dim your light, or take away your sparkle, whatever makes you uniquely you and that makes them envious or scared. Don't let them.

C) It's not about you. Stop taking everything so personally. 98% of the time other people are not thinking of you, are not affected by your actions, words, thoughts. So don't live like they are. Have whatever feelings you need to have about the incident, treat it like an incident and not a jihad, and MOVE ON.

D) Don't worry so much about what other people think. If you don't care about their good or bad opinion of you, you're free to be who YOU are, and do the things you know are right. Ultimately no one else's opinion matters because you are the one who has to be ok with your choices, so let go now of having to be right or popular or even respected. Respect yourself, and the rest will follow.

E) Take care of yourself. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically. If you neglect any of the areas, you're like to pay in other areas.

F) Don't hold back. Your feelings and thoughts are valid and should be made known, even if it might hurt, anger or otherwise inconvenience other people. Their reactions are their problems; so what if they might get mad or hurt by what you say? That's their right, and you not telling the truth is not serving either them or you well. (This is not to say that you shouldn't or can't try not to hurt someone's feelings - if that's what you want to do. Just don't sacrifice your ability to stand up for yourself, or to make your wants/needs/feelings known just because they may have a reaction to it. Be honest, and let them have their honest reactions.)

G) Set boundaries and be clear in your communication about what those boundaries are. The boundaries can change (bigger, smaller, whatever). Other people will not be happy if you either set new boundaries, or change the existing ones. Expect pushback. But if it's fair for you to have new thoughts or feelings about something, it's fair for other people to be told about them, and it's also fair that they have their own feelings about them (positive or negative).

H) Take responsibility for yourself and your actions and reactions. There's power in taking responsibility. It means no one can make you a victim. And it means you can change.

I) Don't let fear drag you down. Fear can be overwhelming and debilitating, or it can be your best learning tool if you push through it, face it down and conquer it. Imagine what you would do/be/accomplish if you were fearless, and go do/be/accomplish those things.

J) Market yourself. I don't mean in a sleazy way. I mean take credit out loud for your triumphs (but also fess up honestly to your mistakes - it's a sign of character). Women are taught that it's not polite or inclusive to crow over your successes. Well, men do it all the time, and they're happy to take credit if you're not going to. So let people know when you or your team has done well since no one will know (or remember at raise time) unless you make it known. If you feel like it's immodest or impolite, then step outside the situation, think about how you'd tell people about the success if it were your subordinate or team member, and present it as a statement of facts. (It's also a good idea to acknowledge and congratulate others on their successes - who doesn't like a pat on the back every now and then.)

K) This is a new one that I'm just now figuring out and working on - find a way to be feminine, be a woman, bring your female attributes to the table in a non-sexual way. Don't let it continue to be a man's world by acting like a man. I will always be more emotional than my male counterparts - both they and I need to get over it. A tear or two shed in the heat of the moment shouldn't mark me as inferior - it just means that I'm passionate about something. Other people should be so lucky. I'm ten times more empathetic, creative, multi-tasking and tuned into the whys and hows of how things work, so I'm going to step up and take advantage of and credit for that.

Catching up

Geez, I run out of time to read people's blogs for a day or two, and it gets out of control. So much to comment on, so little time.

I feel like I should weigh in on the gay marriage thing. Like PQBON, I'm curious about WHY exactly gay marriage is so threatening to people. But I think that unlike PQBON, my question is more about dollars - are there any good arguments for or against allowing gay marriages in economic terms? (see extended entry)

Forget the morality arguments - no one is going to change anyone else's mind on morality issues (as interesting as it is to try). So let's get down to dollars and cents. What happens in the economy if gay marriages are allowed? Does it stimulate spending in ways that aren't happening now (either in marriage license revenue, wedding services revenue, honeymoon travel revenue, etc.)? If we don't allow gay marriage (i.e. how things are now), does that take away possible dollars from the economy (maybe not - as if people are having "commitment ceremonies" now anyway, that's about the same as having a full on wedding reception/honeymoon).

What about lessening or helping dollars spent in legal fees? I don't know how things work now in terms of partners adopting children together, but by allowing gay marriages and conferring legal rights on the parties (like the ability to make financial, legal and health decisions for the other if one partner becomes incapacitated in some way), does that take money away from lawyers? Or in the long run does it get lawyers more money when you would have gay divorces (which presumably doesn't happen now as the parties in a gay relationship just break up without legal recourse)?

Since no one seems to be taking the debate in economic directions (which may be valid since you probably can't be sure if your projections in either direction would be correct), I don't think that's ever going to get me off my pretty middle-ground stance for either the pro-gay marriage folks or for the anti-gay marriage folks.

However, on strictly emotional levels, I completely support gay marriage. As Meta points out, people have to be pretty mean-spirited to not want to let people love each other openly. I think my biggest argument for gay marriages is to let both partners have the same rights and privileges (tax breaks, medical decisions, etc.) as straight people have. Besides, I love my gay friends, and want them to have the same opportunities to love (or screw each other up) as my straight friends.

Since our country has moved increasingly to include people, and to outlaw exclusion (discrimination based on race, sex, color, religion, national origin, age or disability), why does it allow discrimination based on sexual orientation? How does one's sexual orientation have anything to do with whether two people will love, honor and cherish each other? Why would being straight make that vow more binding, more likely to be kept or broken, or more (or less) emotionally relevant?

I'm fully behind this person (that I don't know - ah the wonders of blogging) in stating that taking away some group's rights is sickening. I can't believe that people will spend time, money and other resources to back a constitutional amendment to prevent gay people from getting married. What the hell is so threatening about this anyway - it has nothing to do with you, your family, your children, your sexuality, etc., so why do you care if they can or can't do it?

If, as many people say, it's just a piece of paper, then why do straight people say that marriage really does change them, change their relationship? Is it because maybe besides the legal rights it confers on the parties, and the legitimacy that having the piece of paper seems to confer on the parties, it also is a right of passage? Maybe gay people want to be able to stand up in front of their friends and family and convey their love, trust, happiness, conviction in their love for each other. Maybe they also want to go through the right of passage of marriage to get themselves to another level (as my straight married friends tells me happens). Maybe that ability to have the piece of paper also cements that these aren't just words that are said to one another in private, that could be taken back, or twisted - that by making it legal, it makes it concrete.

Two people who want to make a commitment to each other should be able to do so. It shouldn't matter if they are both the same sex or not. And their reasons for getting married shouldn't matter either, though one would hope they'd be getting married for love. But since straight people get married all the time for questionable reasons (they were drunk, one person needs to stay in the country, tax breaks), I don't think there is any reason to keep gay people from having the same opportunities.

Anyway, this post is kind of all over the place here. My main reason for wanting gay marriage to be legal is because it feels like the right thing to do. People in love should be allowed to express that love.

It's Alive!

Oh. my. god. After 2.5 years of sitting on my driveway not moving, the Integra is now running. I knew they were good cars, but this was amazing - less than an hour to get a car running that hasn't run in that long. We thought the engine might be frozen or any of a number of other bad things. But that was not the case.

I bought a new battery for it. Dan installed that, and put some oil in it. We let it crank over a bit to distribute the oil (pulled the distributor). Dan's friend Larry got in and it started right up. I even drove it around the block. Other than some strange belt noises and the fact that I couldn't see through either windshield (Dan cleared enough of a spot on the driver's side so I could be sure I wouldn't hit anything), the car ran fine.

There will still be some work I have to do to it to get it running enough so my mom can use it. And there's the matter of reminding her how to drive a stick shift. But it was surprisingly easy to get it running. Now I have to get it smogged, pay the back registration fees and get a mechanic to give it the once over and make sure everything works properly (maybe new tires, definitely new belts/hoses, maybe wiring). Did I mention that this all took less than an hour (including going to Pep Boys to buy the battery)? But woo hoo!

A Fond Farewell

I watched the final episode of Sex and the City bundled in a comfy blanket, with a Diet Coke in my hand (had to make due since I didn't have fixings for a Cosmo or a Manhattan), with a Kleenex box at the ready. I watched with great fondness, and a tear or two as I said goodbye to some old friends.

And I pondered (Carrie-style) why I am so sad to see this show go? They're only fictional characters, it's not like they're my real friends and they died. But I'm not sure that I'm not more attached to my "real" friends than I was to the girls in this show. I think part of my attachment to this show is that is showed me a connection to a life I wanted to live, and to friends that I'd like to have but don't.

All my female friends are either in couples or far away or both. And I don't love any of them any the less for this, but their lives don't reflect mine. That's a pretty lonely place to be. And while the lives of the SATC girls don't really reflect mine either (I only WISH I was getting that much sex, had that many shoes and outfits and got to go to such cool/trendy places), they do reflect something that I want to be mine - and that maybe through them I've come to be a little bit - which is to be cool with the vagaries of being alone or together.

The girls have all struggled to figure out who they are, to learn how to let someone in but still hold onto themselves and the parts of themselves that they hold dear. And I see some of my struggles reflected in the story lines of these characters. And I'm going to miss having the show as a mirror to both hold myself up to and a window to look out upon to see that there are different ways to be besides how I see myself now. Where else am I going to see anything that reflects my experience of being a single woman who is both strong and soft, sensitive and tough, worldly but full of hope for a romantic future?

Maybe some of my sadness is in having to say goodbye to all of my friends at the same time? In the real world your friends usually drop off one at a time, not all in a group. In my case, I've gone through a few different sets of friends who've all married and gone off to become breeders. And while I don't begrudge them any of the happiness they have, I can't follow, and have to find a new path. While that can be fun and exciting, it's also lonely and scary, and sometimes it'd be nice to have a friend to call in the middle of a crisis to come tell you it'll be ok (even if it won't be), or just to listen to me angst over my latest stupid mistake, or to just hold me and let me cry.

Another sadness in letting go of these friends is in seeing that some of the things that I go through are the same things that other women go through. Life isn't neat and tidy and all the answers aren't easy and fall from the sky in little 27 minute segments. Things are messy, and scary, and there are questions that may never get answered, or never get answered in the way you want them to. But knowing that that is true for everyone is comforting in a twisted sort of way.

In any case, I lift my cosmo glass to the girls for the laughter and learning they've brought to me. Will I miss them? Abso-fucking-lutely. Arrivederci, babes!

iPod entries and random tests

On this geek test I got - 16.56805% - Geek

But on this one I got - 21.428571428571427% of me is a huge nerd! How about you?

15 random iPod songs (out of my 1954 songs) -
Tonight and the Rest of My Life - Nina Gordon
Good Lovin' - The Rascals
Things Can Only Get Better - Howard Jones
Every Day is a Winding Road - Sheryl Crow
(see extended entry for full list)

You Make Loving Fun - Fleetwood Mac
You're So Real - Matchbox 20
Slow Ride - Bonnie Raitt
Am I Getting Through - Sheryl Crow
Think About You - Guns n' Roses
They Dance Alone - Sting
Right Through You - Alannis
Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen
Tusk - Fleetwood Mac
Building a Mystery - Sarah McLachlan
Making Out - No Doubt

Not sure how I feel about these 15. In general they are representative, especially in terms of how much chick music I have. There are at least one each of my most highly represented artists (Sarah/Sheryl). There are a couple of eclectic ones that makes it a good sampling (Queen, Howard Jones). But I think Fleetwood Mac is overrepresented. At any rate, it's not as good a way to get to know something about me as a full browse through my actual CD collection would be (I get comments like "you like Prince???"), but an interesting exercise nonetheless.

An interesting excersize has been putting iTunes on random within my Chick Music list. That's been good for hours of entertainment while I've been surfing, working on my resume (yes, finally!) and looking for non-existent soft copies of past reviews so I could check for employment dates for my resume.

Suggestions

For those of you who know me and read my ongoing drivel, I'm soliciting suggestions in two areas. One: site design - and two: content.

One: site design - I need to change colors/fonts, etc. I don't know much about editing my templates, but I'll find out through trial and error. I'm not entirely sure what I want to use as background/wallpaper kind of stuff (maybe one of my photos from Italy - can I even do that?). I know I want a swath of red through it somehow (or maybe just my site name in red, who knows). Any ideas that anyone has would be appreciated. Not necessarily used, but appreciated ;-)

Two: content. It must get boring for my 3 readers to keep reading the same stuff over and over again. So challenge me. I keep saying I want to be a writer, so it's time to put my money where my blog is (ok, no actual money involved) and actually write something other than the stream of consciousness that I normally write about. I write stuff at work all day that sanitized, politically correct and guaranteed to offend the smallest possible number of people while also conveying the bare minimum amount of information necessary. I'd like to write something other than stuff out of my own head, and would appreciate the writer's equivalent of throwing out topics at an improv comedy show. What do you want me to write about?

No promises about the timeliness of the use of your suggestions - it may take me a while to noodle on what I have to say (if anything) about your topic. But the results could be interesting, and at least for one or two entries, different. Comment away...

By the way - I have the sneaking suspicion that the two decaf coffees I had with dinner were, in fact, NOT decaf. Anyone want to stay up all night chatting on the phone????

Journal? Blog? Doh!

So am I a blogger or a journaler? Does it matter?

I'm a little slow to comment in my blog on this one because I've been thinking about blogging and why do I do it. The reason I haven't posted much is that I don't have a good answer. (Much more rambling in the extended post)

I think the thing I liked about blogs that I saw from my friends' blogs is the interaction between the ideas that people have. One person has idea X, and another person has idea Y that relates to X, and a third person has ideas A and B about ideas X and Y, and all of those people get to interact in cyberspace in interesting ways.

I think I like the idea of a blog as a different kind of communication medium. In a sense it can be like email in that people's comments can come and go and a dialog can swirl around a topic. But in a way that's different from email, the origin of the idea can be easily tracked. And with trackback you can also see all the other places that an idea went in other people's blogs. It's a strange kind of map of the genesis of an idea or conversation.

So the idea of a blog (a collection of links to other things?) and a journal (a personal narrative or commentary) isn't all that blogging's about to me. I think another neat aspect of blogging is that you get to put forth any persona that you want to in this medium. If no one online knows you in your "real" life, then you can be as outrageous or quiet or insecure or grandiose as you want. And if you do have links between the online world and the "real" world, then you can make them as fully inclusive or mutually exclusive as you want.

If I were into the online dating thing, then I think my blog could be another way for people to get to know things about me. But then again, if I know that people will be reading this (because why post it if no one will read it), won't that change the content of what I write? Because if I'm really a journaler (and pretty clearly my content is related to my life, my observations, my commentary on my intersection with the world at large), then is my blog the kind of "journal" that most people think of? I don't think of this as a true journal - there are no "Dear Diary" entries. But that's because I know that other people might be reading it.

I have considered having a separate "private" diary to write about the specifics of the things that I only allude to here (and my "real" life - the one inside of me that is not to be shared willy nilly with anyone who stumbles across these meanderings on the web). But then why blog at all? Why not just keep my little diary somewhere that no one else but me can read it/get to it, etc.?

I guess blogging, to me, comes down to wanting an interaction with the world outside my head. I spend an awful lot of time in here, and sometimes it's nice to see what goes on in other people's heads too. And it's surprising many times how many times (more often than not really) the stuff in my head (or heart) echoes the things that other people post in their blogs. And this all helps me realize that while I often feel very alone, I'm one interconnected little speck in cyberspace, and that if I'm there, there's someone else out there too. And isn't it nice to feel a little less alone?

Good Phone

Apparently I've forgotten how to give good phone. This is a bummer. I used to be great on the phone. Now I'm either annoyed by it (think telemarketers) or interrupted by it (when I'm trying to concentrate at work), or I have no idea what to say to keep a conversation going (personally).

This is not how I expected things to go. I remember being a teenager - I practically had the thing glued to my head. I had the PERFECT after school/weekend job - working as a receptionist at a car dealership. I got PAID to talk on the telephone! Is there any better job (other than maybe in sales with a 50% discount at your favorite clothing store - did that too) for a teenage girl?

It was perfect. I got to talk on the phone as much as I wanted (the phones slowed to a crawl after 6PM), and had time and quiet to do my homework.

And eventually from there I went into technical support. Again - I got paid to talk on the phone all day. And I was good at it. Ok, not really so much at the technical part, as at the phone part. I talked people down, got them calm, figured out what they really needed and made sure they got it. All in all, I gave good phone.

As if that wasn't enough, then I got to be a geek and put phone systems in remote offices. That meant I got to research different phone systems and recommend which one we needed for the size of office, type of traffic (i.e. sales office versus engineering office), etc. And I was responsible for administering pagers and calling cards too. All in all, I had many ways to give good phone.

From there I went back to being in tech support (although external now instead of internal). And then I got to manage other tech support people, and talk customers down when they were pissed off that something hadn't gone correctly. And I got to do that for internal folks too (oh my god, we're going to lose millions in dollars of sales if XYZ aren't done - it's ok... calm down... take a deep breath...).

Then I got to do my favorite phone geek think - administer the phone system that we used for our customers. Woo hoo - I get to help figure out whose call goes where, and move the call center, and move it again, and put in new call centers, and all kinds of fun stuff. And I ordered my life around voicemail - I checked voicemail before email when I got back to my desk after meetings.

And I loved all of this, and I was good at it. I have a nice phone voice. Hell, I'm the voice of customer support for our company. So what went wrong?

The last few years all of my interactions have been in meetings that are face to face. I no longer have entire working relationships with people I've never met before. There are still people out there in the world that are convinced that I'm a 6 foot tall blonde girl (ha!) And somehow over the last couple of years, I've forgotten how to give good phone. I've even forgotten how to give good phone to friends and family.

If you call me at work or at home lately, you're likely to get me as somewhat snippy (thinking you were going to be a telemarketer), disinterested (you called in the middle of my favorite tv program - yes, I know I have tivo), or insanely chirpy and you can't get me off the phone.

I kinda miss giving good phone. I had a girlfriend who I used to talk to on the phone at least every other day or so. We'd be on the phone, and we'd watch our favorite tv shows while on the phone with each other, and then talk through commercials, and then back to watchintg tv. That's good phone when you're both on the same wavelength about that. Now I can't even be bothered to get my cell minutes over 15 per month. Sigh...

Song stuck in my head

Have you ever heard the song "I Feel Pretty"? I don't even know much from the song, just a snippet. But what keeps it in my head is that I keep changing the word "pretty" to "shitty" because that's how I'm feeling.

Skip the rest of this drivel about how being sick sucks.

Skip the rest of this drivel about how being sick sucks. You all know how much it sucks... I just need to get it out of my system. It sucks when you can't sleep because your sinuses are either draining, or if you lie on your side because the draining stops in your ears and hurts so you toss and turn and still can't sleep. I hate it when I can't think properly because I'm sick, although it leads to some rather odd thoughts/ponderances that are kind of amusing. I hate having to breathe through my mouth because my nose doesn't work properly. I hate talking funny because I can't breathe. I hate it when I take a sick day and end up doing more work from home than if I'd been at work (and I'm SOOOO not claiming a sick day). I hate having to carry around a box of tissue with me wherever I go.

I am happy that I got to hang out at home and in between checking mail I watched food network stuff. I usually don't watch that channel a ton, but it was on and I didn't feel like exerting the brain power to find something else. So for Valentine's week there was lots of stuff about chocolate. Mmmm... chocolate... A friend came over to take me to get dinner since I have no food in my house and I told him that watching the chocolate stuff was the food lover's equivalent of porn. He then asked something about a naked man dipped in chocolate (the specifics are a bit fuzzy - I can't think, remember). I said it depended on the man - Brad Pitt dipped in chocolate - good. The big fat guy on the TV at the time - bad. Then I reconsidered that either way it's a waste of good chocolate.

Oh, the only good things about being sick - being so obsessed with how crappy I'm feeling physically that I forgot to obsess about the thing that's making me feel crappy otherwise. Strange thing to be happy about, but take it where you can get it, right? Another good thing - I got a big laugh at myself over dinner. I ordered udon (chicken soup when you're sick is good for you, right???). I giggled a bit over the trouble I was having getting the damned food in my mouth (good thing I didn't wear something I was concerned about staining), but I laughed my ass off when I actually dropped a noodle in my lap. I haven't laughed that hard at anything in a while, and it felt good. Maybe laughter really is... nah... too corny...

Too many thoughts

Don't you hate it when you have too many thoughts in your head? What did this mean? What did that mean? If I'd said that differently, what would have happened? I wonder what s/he is thinking? Should I say this or that? Should I say anything? What are the possible outcomes - good/bad/indifferent, and is it worth finding out? Why the hell won't my brain shut up?

They all chase around in my head until I feel like I'm spinning down, like a top running out of steam and about to topple over. This may be because I feel like crap (it's either allergies or the mother of all colds). It came up really suddenly (i.e. I was fine last night and this morning I woke up feeling like complete crap). This may also be because I am in a spin of my own making. I'll get out of it, and probably sooner rather than later, but sometimes you just need to think/feel the things you need to in order to let go.

Doh!

How annoying. I had a big ole blog entry started, and a window opened in the entry window, getting rid of my entry. SHIT!

So rather than try to recapture what I was doing, I'll just say that my original intent was to come up with a list of breakup songs (inspired by a list on the Apple music pages). I started finding all my favorite sad depressing songs I listen to when I've broken up with someone. But I was getting too depressed, so instead of doing the actual work I'm going to just take credit for the (uninspired) idea.

Then I thought about songs about crushes. I have some of those on my iPod. I actually probably need to add to it from recently purchased (ok, within the last 6 months) music. But I'm also too lazy to do that. Besides, it'll either be really interesting to people who will want to disagree with me (it's MY opinion, dammit), or who would be bored to tears, or would read into it exactly what it means to me and who it's about, and that's bad.

Rant

Consider this a rant. I can't decide if I should make it the week of rants against Valentine's day, or just the super long, ultra extended rant-O-rama about how much love and all things associated with it sucks. We'll see what progresses...

Ok, I don't hate love. Not really. I think it's wonderful that all my friends who found love have found it. I wish I could be in that category too. But I'm not. And apparently I've been chosen to carry the banner for bitter single people everywhere.

And that's ok. I think I can get behind this. I think that I can be good at this. There are many good things about singleness (I'm sure I'll think of them later). That is not the problem.

The problem is Valentine's day. I object, on behalf of single people everywhere (whether they object or are still holding out hope that "love" will happen to them) to the very concept of Valentine's day. What's with the ONE day per year to express your love and appreciation for your beloved??? Isn't that supposed to be done, in some small measure, every day? I mean, if you're doing it right, you should be showing your love every day, right? Send an IM to show you're thinking of him/her, give a hug and a kiss goodbye on the way to work, do something thoughtful like making dinner (or getting take-out) when he/she has had a bad day.

And the greeting cards... don't get me started on that! It's all a conspiracy on the part of greeting card companies to make you think that the card is important. It's a conspiracy to make me think that I'm the only woman on the planet who doesn't buy cards - no, not even buy cards but who doesn't have a STASH of cards for every occasion that she can go to pull a card out of to express exactly the right emotion at exactly the right moment. NOOOOO... it's not the card, it's the present. Duh... everyone knows that.

To be fair to the guys - I think they get shafted when it comes to Valentine's day. They're expected to do something nice, something thoughtful on this one day of the year, and if they don't then they're in the doghouse. Well why should you expect them to do something thoughtful and loving one day a year when they can't remember your birthday or remember to put the seat down? It's unfair. Of course, if I had a boyfriend I'd expect him to do something nice for Valentine's day. But candy is out (is that a veiled hint that he thinks I'm fat), and flowers is too expensive for the one day of the year they jack up the prices on roses, and other flowers might cause an allergic reaction. And god forbid they should get something PRACTICAL (like a vacuum cleaner or something for the house or car), even if I've asked for it.

Just a hint for the guys - the gift needs to be personal, something that SHE will love (not that YOU will love). Lingerie is a nice idea, but I'll bet that if you buy her something really sexy it'll be uncomfortable, will get worn once and then put away, never to be seen again.

Does she like to read? Get her a favorite book (or a gift certificate if you have to - but gauge whether she'd think a gift certificate is thoughtful or shows lack of imagination). What are her hobbies? Get her something to go along with her hobbies. Get a CD of her favorite artist (if you don't know who that is, you're in trouble anyway). Think about the favorite gift you ever got and what made it special (probably the fact that the giver knew what got to you), and do something like that for her.

Geez, I got off my rant into sounding like an advice columnist. Bitter, mean-spirited, yeah.... damn, I lost my jones to rant about this. Apparently this will be the week of rants.

Learn something new every day

Learn something new every day - Wow... who knew there were this many euphemisms for Vagina?

Why do I know this?

For some reason the phrase "ravening hordes" popped into my head today. Where did this come from? And why? The best thing is that in the context I thought of it it was correct, but why can I remember that but not what I said in a meeting 3 days ago?

Vday - no, not Valentine's

No, not Valentine's day, but Vagina day - a global movement to stop violence against women and girls. V-Day generates broader attention for the fight to stop worldwide violence against women and girls including rape, battery, incest, female genital mutilation (FGM), and sexual slavery. The fact that we live in a world where this has to even be an issue that people have to put time energy and money into stopping is wrong, and for that reason deserves action (in whatever small way) from me.

There will be a performance in San Jose, and I encourage you to attend if you haven't seen the show already.
Proceeds will benefit a charity in this area (Next Door and Support Network for Battered Women) and hopefully help to change a woman's (or many) life for the better.

Crushes

Crushes can be fun. Certainly it's fun to indulge them. And I think there are all kinds of crushes. I just wonder about how to define a crush (what's with me and needing definitions today?). I guess I think of it as finding someone interesting or desirable in some way - not necessarily sexual. I mean, I've had crushes on both sexes, so it's not necessarily about wanting to get into someone's pants - sometimes I'm really just attracted to some quality about the person and want to be around them to bask in that light.

Crushes - Crushes can be fun. Certainly it's fun to indulge them. And I think there are all kinds of crushes. I just wonder about how to define a crush (what's with me and needing definitions today?). I guess I think of it as finding someone interesting or desirable in some way - not necessarily sexual. I mean, I've had crushes on both sexes, so it's not necessarily about wanting to get into someone's pants - sometimes I'm really just attracted to some quality about the person and want to be around them to bask in that light.

I guess I think crushes are fun. I've had them while in a long term relationship, and rather than taking something away from the relationship, I think in some ways it added something to it. By being aware of another person, it also heightened my awareness of my partner. It enlivened my fantasy life which my partner got the benefit of. And crushes I think are necessary when you're single too - it reminds you that you may want to ever try dating again. It also sort of gives you a safe place to try out your flirting or "dating" interaction skills. Besides, who doesn't like to be around someone you have a crush on - you're more upbeat and happy.

Now of course the reason it's called a "crush" could be that you're crushed if you have unrealistic expectations (or the other party does). If you think you may end up dating the person and he/she doesn't think that, then it's bad. And if one or the other party is in a relationship and the crush is acted on in a sexual way, that's bad. But I don't necessarily rule out or try to quash a crush on someone in a relationship so long as I'm clear about not acting on it (i.e. being happy just to hang with the person). Maybe that's playing with fire, but what the hell, you only live once, right? I guess I also don't try to quash a crush on someone of the same sex - because I know I'll never act on that (other than maybe in my fantasies).

Dates versus hanging out

What's the difference between a date and an appointment to do something with a friend of the opposite sex? I think maybe it's in intent - if both parties think it's a date, then it's a date. But what if only one party thinks it's a date? Then what?

Crushes - Crushes can be fun. Certainly it's fun to indulge them. And I think there are all kinds of crushes. I just wonder about how to define a crush (what's with me and needing definitions today?). I guess I think of it as finding someone interesting or desirable in some way - not necessarily sexual. I mean, I've had crushes on both sexes, so it's not necessarily about wanting to get into someone's pants - sometimes I'm really just attracted to some quality about the person and want to be around them to bask in that light.

I guess I think crushes are fun. I've had them while in a long term relationship, and rather than taking something away from the relationship, I think in some ways it added something to it. By being aware of another person, it also heightened my awareness of my partner. It enlivened my fantasy life which my partner got the benefit of. And crushes I think are necessary when you're single too - it reminds you that you may want to ever try dating again. It also sort of gives you a safe place to try out your flirting or "dating" interaction skills. Besides, who doesn't like to be around someone you have a crush on - you're more upbeat and happy.

Now of course the reason it's called a "crush" could be that you're crushed if you have unrealistic expectations (or the other party does). If you think you may end up dating the person and he/she doesn't think that, then it's bad. And if one or the other party is in a relationship and the crush is acted on in a sexual way, that's bad. But I don't necessarily rule out or try to quash a crush on someone in a relationship so long as I'm clear about not acting on it (i.e. being happy just to hang with the person). Maybe that's playing with fire, but what the hell, you only live once, right? I guess I also don't try to quash a crush on someone of the same sex - because I know I'll never act on that (other than maybe in my fantasies).

Sometimes it's quite clear - both parties know that the event is really just an opportunity to get together (i.e. lunch) versus a "date" with any intent of there being more to it. Sometimes it's also clear that it's a real "date" - either through the intent of both folks, or by the activities planned (dinner and a movie). But again, what if it's normal "date" stuff - like dinner and a movie - but neither party sees it as a date. Is the distinction all about whether there's an intent to have a kiss at the end of the "date"?

I got to thinking about this after lunch with an acquaintance the other day. He's single. I'm single. I suppose it wouldn't be unreasonable to think of it as a "date". But that's not how I saw it. I think of us a buddies/pals/folks who have lunch together occasionally. But I wonder if he thinks that *I* think it's something else. How do you bring this up without looking like a dork? Certainly if he was worried about it and I can set his mind at ease so he can just enjoy hanging out, that would be good. But if it means shutting a door to a real "date", I'm not sure that's a good thing. (Because - at least in my head - it could go in that direction.)

Ok, I'm not obsessing on this - just curious. This whole dating thing is a pain in the ass.

[More info - per the consensus at brunch today, it's only a date if both parties think it's a date, and if there's some sort of intent.]

Crushes - Crushes can be fun. Certainly it's fun to indulge them. And I think there are all kinds of crushes. I just wonder about how to define a crush (what's with me and needing definitions today?). I guess I think of it as finding someone interesting or desirable in some way - not necessarily sexual. I mean, I've had crushes on both sexes, so it's not necessarily about wanting to get into someone's pants - sometimes I'm really just attracted to some quality about the person and want to be around them to bask in that light.

I guess I think crushes are fun. I've had them while in a long term relationship, and rather than taking something away from the relationship, I think in some ways it added something to it. By being aware of another person, it also heightened my awareness of my partner. It enlivened my fantasy life which my partner got the benefit of. And crushes I think are necessary when you're single too - it reminds you that you may want to ever try dating again. It also sort of gives you a safe place to try out your flirting or "dating" interaction skills. Besides, who doesn't like to be around someone you have a crush on - you're more upbeat and happy.

Now of course the reason it's called a "crush" could be that you're crushed if you have unrealistic expectations (or the other party does). If you think you may end up dating the person and he/she doesn't think that, then it's bad. And if one or the other party is in a relationship and the crush is acted on in a sexual way, that's bad. But I don't necessarily rule out or try to quash a crush on someone in a relationship so long as I'm clear about not acting on it (i.e. being happy just to hang with the person). Maybe that's playing with fire, but what the hell, you only live once, right? I guess I also don't try to quash a crush on someone of the same sex - because I know I'll never act on that (other than maybe in my fantasies).

Unoriginal

Because I have nothing original to post... here's my US map

And here's my world map

It's a little disconcerting to think that while I've traveled to more foreign countries than many of my friends, I've still only seen 6% of the world (14 countries). Must add more to this map.