It's been a while since I did a rant about dating. So it's time. Admittedly, I don't do much dating. I'm trying to change that, to be open to going out with people that I might not normally have thought of as my type. In that vein I've been talking to some guys that have shown interest in me. It's kind of fun to meet new people and get to know them better, etc.
But it makes me realize that there are some things that I want in a man. I don't thing I'm asking too much, but apparently I am.....
I want a man to ask me out, on a real, unequivocal date. (I want to know it's a date, not wonder if he's inviting me out as a friend.) I want him to plan it, I want him to drive the car and open the door for me and pay for dinner. I want him to plan it with me in mind (i.e. have a couple of options of things to do, ask my input and then make a decision and execute it). It would be a bonus if we went somewhere that you have to dress up to go to, but even if it's not a dressed up place, I'd love it if a man took the time to work on his grooming a bit. (Jeez, if I have to shave my legs, he could at least shave, smell nice, not have stains on his shirt, have on a shirt that he had to iron, etc.) I want him to have intelligent things to say on the date, to laugh, to make me laugh. (Bonus points if he can make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts, or until I snort something out of my nose - but that might have to wait for later dates.) I want him to be kind and funny, and to ask me questions about myself and show interest in who I am and what I do. I want him to know how to flirt, and to do it shamelessly. I want him to seduce me - not to go in for the kill, but to take it slow and get to know me. I want to find him sexy, and for him to think that I'm sexy as well. I want him to be a grown-up - to know who he is, what he wants, how to get it and to have some ambition to be more, do more, be a better person. I want him to figure out how to get me to take my walls down, and to lower his walls and let me in as well. I don't care if he has baggage (we all have it), but I hope he's comfortable with it and/or knows how to put it down sometimes. I want him to know that I am comfortable carrying my own baggage, that I'm trying to whittle it down to a bare minimum. I want him to either have an artistic bent or to be interested in art even if he doesn't really want to make it himself. I want someone who will step up - will be a man and admit and deal with his feelings, will step up and be a grown up, will step up and take care of things (and occasionally take care of me). I want him to be sensitive enough to realize when there are things I don't know how to say, or can't say, or can't ask for but need anyway, and to try (even if he fails) to do the right things. I want a man who is generous - as generous with his laughter, his love, his friendship, his caresses, his intelligence, his ingenuity and his strength of character as I would like to be myself. It's a bonus if he has dark hair, dark eyes, sexy hands. I'd enjoy it if he answered email or made phone calls in reasonable amounts of time (girl-time, not guy-time). I'd love it if he were so excited to see me/hang out with me/chat with me that he set up the next outing at the end of the first one. I want a man to hold hands with me, to shepherd me into a door or through a crowd with his hand (respectfully) on the small of my back. I'd like to be with a man who is secure and confident enough in who he is to make me feel at ease and comfortable being the strong, confident woman that I am (sometimes). I'd like to date a man in touch with himself (and others) enough to know when he just shouldn't be around other people, and to beg off gracefully in that instance, or to let me do likewise.
Perhaps I'm asking too much. But I'll keep asking til I get it, as I already know how to be alone, and I refuse to relax my standards.
Ed. 12/21 - More thought about this last night led me to the conclusion that I'm looking for a gentleman. I'd like the person to be courteous and respectful. A call or email to confirm plans in advance is courteous, and at this point it's feeling like a differentiator - if he pays attention enough to do this, he gets points. If not he doesn't lose points, but doesn't gain them either. I hate to use a game-playing metaphor, but it seems apt.
Posted by cshell at December 20, 2004 07:28 PM