Why is it that nothing happens for a long time, then all my lessons/learning/opportunities happen at the same time? I'm sure I must be setting myself up for this somehow, but whatever. I'll take what comes.
Things I learned last week - that I can make myself heard, even if it's a difficult conversation, and that things can be better, if only because I got it off my chest. I can let people into the things I've been hiding, and they will stick around. Some battles are worth fighting, and some are worth giving in. Sometimes the way to be seen is to see yourself - for all the good and the bad and the in between. Being a woman carries enormous power, and the potential for great things - good and bad. Being honest is difficult - not because I like lying (even if it's only by omission), but because there's a comfort in avoiding things, not being 100% up front. It's just as draining to hide as it is to be honest.
Also figured out (not that this was rocket science) - this time of year is historically huge for me. Breakups with friends and boyfriends tend to be centered around my birthday. The catalyst for breaking up a best friendship was in the spring even though it took til Cinco de Mayo to actually happen (although I think that was probably one of the best things I've done for myself). The genesis for one of my relationships was centered around my birthday (and his) too. Positive things in friendships grew out of this timeframe too (girls' weekend in Cabo).
I guess the message is that I'm in for an interesting ride for a while. Exhilarating, exhausting, tumultuous, triumphant, difficult, defining, demanding maybe, but not boring. I wonder if I'm going to miss boring? The blogging will either suffer or get better... we'll have to wait and see.
Posted by cshell at April 5, 2004 10:43 PM