Random thoughts day - Haven't had much to say in the last couple of days. Strange concept... Do you ever find that your thoughts sound like other people - as if they are voiceovers from your favorite sit-coms? It's not so weird when it's Carrie from Sex and the City. It is a little weird when it's JD from Scrubs... More randomness - eye contact is good. Especially when it makes you feel all tingly and like the other person really got it... mmmm...
Compartmentalization (is that a word?) - sometimes I wonder if compartmentalizing myself is a bad thing. I tend to act/be/do certain things around certain people. Some people get to see the competent grown-up side. Some people get to see the strong, together, with-it person. Some people (very few) get to see the strung out, vulnerable, scared part. Some people get to see bits of all of the above. It's too bad that not very many people get to see all the sides.
Then again, there is something to be said for compartmentalizing. If you know you're only ever going to live down to one crowd's lowest expectations of you, then you get to be that person that they expect with them - crazy, wild, sexual, drunk, and altogether TOO. If you don't have an outlet for those things in other places, and these "TOO" things only come out occasionally, then it's probably a good outlet. It's a bit sad that that crowd never gets to see the grown-up I've become, but it is kind of nice to have a place to be the fucked up kid I remember. Even if they can't see how far I've come, I can.
This line of thinking makes me remember a friend of mine. No one ever expected anything of him other than what they'd already seen - goofy, sweet, funny, but not someone that you would take seriously as a boyfriend/husband, etc. When he moved across the country, my other friends thought he was nuts, but I think that will probably end up being one of the smartest things he could have done. I'm sure that with a fresh start he could live up to whatever HE wanted to be, not live down to the small box that people wanted to put him in. Go Wonder Twin!
Posted by cshell at August 7, 2003 10:05 PM